Lisa's Angel Day
It is 2 a.m. Friday December 1. It is four years since a doctor looked at me and said "The time of death will be recorded as 1:12 pm (I think that is the time. I was numb at that time).
I have been busy busy trying to ignore the fact that I am missing Lisa so much. For the month of November, I did resident satisfaction surveys in 3 nursing homes. I worked 4 to 5 hours a day. Yesterday, my neighbour Adriana and I went to a nursing home to make fresh pasta and have spaghetti and meatballs with the Italian residents. It was the nursing home where Adriana's mother died a couple of weeks ago. We truly enjoyed ourselves and the ladies were thrilled. One woman kept touching the noodles. She said that she used to make pasta every week. In the evening Joe and I went to the symphony. It was a great performance by the Calgary Symphony and a guest pianist. I cried through most of it. All i could think of was Lisa's last days. I was tired when we got home but just couldn't sleep so am up watching a Sandra Bullock movie and typing.
Joe is going to be a "living library" at a Delta Hotel brunch today. Living Library is a program sponsored by the public library. A person who has a story to tell is available to chat and answer questions. Joe had done it before and quite enjoyed it. He takes the travel photos he has had made in to books and talks about our impressions of the countries. The nice thing is that he gets a free brunch at 1pm. I am going to join him there so it will essentially be a half price brunch.
In the evening we are going for dinner with our wonderful friends and neighbours.
Lisa: I am so sad. I want so much to hear your voice, to chat about everything and anything, to laugh, to grumble, and be together. You could make me laugh, and had so much common sense. You were such a good mother. It just hurts so much to know that you won't be at Cevyn's grad in June.
I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
I have been busy busy trying to ignore the fact that I am missing Lisa so much. For the month of November, I did resident satisfaction surveys in 3 nursing homes. I worked 4 to 5 hours a day. Yesterday, my neighbour Adriana and I went to a nursing home to make fresh pasta and have spaghetti and meatballs with the Italian residents. It was the nursing home where Adriana's mother died a couple of weeks ago. We truly enjoyed ourselves and the ladies were thrilled. One woman kept touching the noodles. She said that she used to make pasta every week. In the evening Joe and I went to the symphony. It was a great performance by the Calgary Symphony and a guest pianist. I cried through most of it. All i could think of was Lisa's last days. I was tired when we got home but just couldn't sleep so am up watching a Sandra Bullock movie and typing.
Joe is going to be a "living library" at a Delta Hotel brunch today. Living Library is a program sponsored by the public library. A person who has a story to tell is available to chat and answer questions. Joe had done it before and quite enjoyed it. He takes the travel photos he has had made in to books and talks about our impressions of the countries. The nice thing is that he gets a free brunch at 1pm. I am going to join him there so it will essentially be a half price brunch.
In the evening we are going for dinner with our wonderful friends and neighbours.
Lisa: I am so sad. I want so much to hear your voice, to chat about everything and anything, to laugh, to grumble, and be together. You could make me laugh, and had so much common sense. You were such a good mother. It just hurts so much to know that you won't be at Cevyn's grad in June.
I miss you always and love you forever, Mummy
Replies
Oh my, there just is no greater pain than the loss of a child. It goes against all that is expected of life.
All I can share is love and gentle ((hugs)) and hope the memories can be sweet and gentle for you.
I\'m so thankful we have the internet allowing for shares support. All of those who have lost children lifting up one another -- allowing for endurance.
Gentle ((hugs)) shared.
(((hugs)))
I feel the fullness and also the emptiness of your life....of my life. So thankful for all we have.....so crushed by what we no longer have.
Love to you my sweet friend.
Love to Lisa, always!
My heart hurts with yours. Thinking of you and Lisa with love and understanding. XOXO, Debbie
Feel it, don\'t ignore it. Let all the love you have for LISA flow around and through you. May your day be filled with all of the wonderful memories you shared with your beautiful daughter! Love you, Love LISA!!! Hugs, Angela
It is a loss, a longing and missing that cannot be ignored. We have each discovered this in our own ways and in our own time. It is learning how to integrate the loss into the fabric of the life that IS now which becomes our life\'s work now.
You live life well dearest Marlene and it honors your beloved Lisa. Sharing her and yourself with everyone blessed to know you.
I too will have my candle glowing for your beloved today Lisa and know she is sorely MISSED and longed for each and every moment. I know...
Loving care to you the most precious mum ever and you will navigate the day as best as you are able and that is enough, more than enough for today.
Feeling with you and surrounding you in love and light.
XO Joanie
What a precious thing you & your friend did cooking fresh pasta for the elderly ones in the nursing home. You helped create good memories for them & we know what a treasure memories are. Marlene you are such a caring person, I hope you are blessed for all the goodness you share with others.
As you are thinking about & missing your sweet Lisa today, may this day be especially gentle for you. In the midst of some tears may you also find a smile.
Lisa will always be your daughter & you will always be her loving, caring mummy. Hugs.....Vicki
You give and give,,, you are so special,, blessings to you on this angel day,,,\'I will light a candle this evening for your Lisa.... love ya!
I will light a candle for your Lisa. As much as you give to others, please know that you are loved, admired and cherished in all you do. Sending loving hugs Debbie
Thank you my SOTH. I feel swaddled in love and care. I thank Great Spirit every day for my SOTH. I will spend time alone with Lisa this morning and then go to meet Joe. I will light the candles in the candle sticks the she led me to at a flea market. They are like the ones I bought her for Christmas in 2009. - I never got to see her open them.
Tonight we will laugh and cry with our friends.
Love and grateful hugs,
Marlene
Tightest of hugs Marlene,
Terry
You are in my thoughts. I will light a candle for your dear one. It is so hard even as time passes. We go along with life, acting normal. Sometimes, without a significant date or event something pops up to bring it all back. Last night while placing ornaments on the tree, special ornaments, I back tracked to count the number of Christmases without Cory. This is five. Tears of course but I said to my husband, not Cory\'s dad, I need to stop counting and get on with it. To think I think I have done so well but I wonder. Breathe in today. Smile. Find that little something today that makes you happy. Hugs, Peggy
Another first day. It can\'t be easy, hoping for peaceful at best. Cevyn will grow closer to you as she becomes more independent. So hang in there, our granddaughters will search us out when able.
Your outside life is so rewarding and I get jealous of the energy you have. My little life is still very full. People and Gracie, of course. My sleep dr.\'s phone is disconnected again. Just mystery of mysteries, makes me less anxious this time around.
Winter is hard on my body, joints don\'t want to bend at all. My dtr. sent me a fave book of hers: \"The Brothers Ashkenazi\" by I.J. Singer, the less famous brother. It\'s wonderful to read again, I\'ve been putting it off as the letters are small. Entering other worlds is my idea of travel and adventure. Love, Abby
I have to take a big breath before I can even comment. Now my husband keeps bothering me. Argghhh!
I hope this day unfolds gently and bathes you in Lisa\'s love for you and your husband. Tears may come and go, but balance them with the memories that made Lisa so special.
Hugs,
Leda
I know it is so hard...the missing is so deep within our beings and core. But is sounds to me that you are doing a good job of trying to greet each day as its own gift...I am sending you sunshine from Florida to help warm you on this tender day.
AnnM
Tight Hugs and much love!!!!
Doris