Lighter load..
Since my last post I've gotten a lighter load. The Ex Step Sister I don't have to worry about in regards to babysitting, she got released from the hospital but didn't want to come down to OK, fine by me, I cut strings with her a long time ago. I relieved my dad from watching over my grandpa and have been here since early yesterday. Trying to get a feel for how my grandpa is, he's not as senile as my dad thought he was. He's talked about what arrangements he wants to make in regards to his will because it needs to be revised. I am not pushing him in regards to getting anything specific but I don't want to see him pass without something in place as in respecting what he wishes is disbursed and how.
My brother got a few stitches for some glass that he got cut with, he could see a vein but it wasn't punctured, so weird. He's fine. On a flip side tho a close set of friends of mine were pregnant with twins and she was 3 months along, lost them 2 nights ago. They've been trying for years to get pregnant and this is a big blow for them. We think it was too much stress. Her job recently informed them the whole company she worked for was getting relocated to a bigger town without the employees.
I took my grandpa out today to a few towns nearby, he lives in a really small town. He needed a few pairs of pants, a new shirt to wear to the funeral on Monday and we picked out flowers for my grandma''s casket and he bought her some roses too. That was in one town, drove to another town where the viewing and the funeral will be and made sure the flowers got to her, visited one of his relatives and I cleaned his truck up.
For some reason the ex douchbag has been on my mind. Not that he could care what I am going thru at the moment because anytime something was wrong in my life it wasn't a big deal. Never expressed any concern in the last 5-6 years. I guess it could be all the stress going on or maybe the doubts creeping in. I had to pull out my "shit" journal and look at stuff I had gone thru with him and try to get my mind off of him. I know he will never change and I deserve more but lately I feel like I screwed up putting my foot down and trying to make changes I knew were important to the well being of everyone. He would never act like he understood and never will probably. I just don't get why it's bothering me now. I got the closest yesterday to un blocking him on FB and trying to reach out, I didn't do it but man it was soooo close. Literally on the screen to unblock him and not going thru with it.
Expecting a houseful of people tomorrow. My dad and my brother, a niece of my grandpa's, my mom's driving down and then of course me and grandpa. The viewing is tomorrow afternoon and the funeral Monday morning. Things seem to be going smoothly for the time being. Just crossing fingers it stays this way.
My brother got a few stitches for some glass that he got cut with, he could see a vein but it wasn't punctured, so weird. He's fine. On a flip side tho a close set of friends of mine were pregnant with twins and she was 3 months along, lost them 2 nights ago. They've been trying for years to get pregnant and this is a big blow for them. We think it was too much stress. Her job recently informed them the whole company she worked for was getting relocated to a bigger town without the employees.
I took my grandpa out today to a few towns nearby, he lives in a really small town. He needed a few pairs of pants, a new shirt to wear to the funeral on Monday and we picked out flowers for my grandma''s casket and he bought her some roses too. That was in one town, drove to another town where the viewing and the funeral will be and made sure the flowers got to her, visited one of his relatives and I cleaned his truck up.
For some reason the ex douchbag has been on my mind. Not that he could care what I am going thru at the moment because anytime something was wrong in my life it wasn't a big deal. Never expressed any concern in the last 5-6 years. I guess it could be all the stress going on or maybe the doubts creeping in. I had to pull out my "shit" journal and look at stuff I had gone thru with him and try to get my mind off of him. I know he will never change and I deserve more but lately I feel like I screwed up putting my foot down and trying to make changes I knew were important to the well being of everyone. He would never act like he understood and never will probably. I just don't get why it's bothering me now. I got the closest yesterday to un blocking him on FB and trying to reach out, I didn't do it but man it was soooo close. Literally on the screen to unblock him and not going thru with it.
Expecting a houseful of people tomorrow. My dad and my brother, a niece of my grandpa's, my mom's driving down and then of course me and grandpa. The viewing is tomorrow afternoon and the funeral Monday morning. Things seem to be going smoothly for the time being. Just crossing fingers it stays this way.
Replies
Glad you were relieved of some of the stress. Good for you for not unblocking him. Good for you. You are getting through it.
Bighugs...
Thanks Hockeymom...just taking it a day at a time the best I can. Really appreciate the encouragement. I know I would have regretted trying to contact him one way or another.
wow. you have a big load to carry right now! I had a bad year, quite a few years ago, where I had 4 major deaths in a year and half, and all were really close to me..I look back and wonder how I did it!! so much time spent at the hospital, I was practically on first name terms with a lot of the staff there..and then funerals..
it\'s a crazy time. make sure that you\'re taking care of yourself (as best you can!!!)..because otherwise you\'re going to crash and burn...
(((((hugs))))))
You are working hard and making a big difference to your Grandfather at a very difficult time for him.
Your entry reminded me that I need to create a \"shit\" log myself. There\'s a hearing coming up and he was begging me to cancel. I started to remember all the things my stbx did to me and the boys. It really made me stronger and I did not weaken and cancel. Thanks for your post.
That\'s great you didn\'t unblock him on FB! Sometimes the triggers send us back to that old familiar pain...the one we hate but are addicted to at the same time. I do it too...unfortunately. I almost did the same thing with my ex-DB...looked up on FB and why?? I\'m over him and \"it\"...sometimes I wonder if I\'ll ever completely forget about him. Whatever. I\'m glad you had the strength to talk yourself down from that urge! Good for you!! Take care.
That\'s great you didn\'t unblock him on FB! Sometimes the triggers send us back to that old familiar pain...the one we hate but are addicted to at the same time. I do it too...unfortunately. I almost did the same thing with my ex-DB...looked up on FB and why?? I\'m over him and \"it\"...sometimes I wonder if I\'ll ever completely forget about him. Whatever. I\'m glad you had the strength to talk yourself down from that urge! Good for you!! Take care.
Im so sorry for your loss, that is very sad. You seem to be coping very well though, a great help to everyone - taking care of things nicely. Of course you are thinking about your ex, this is a time when you look for someone to take care of you whilst you take care of everyone else. Glad you didnt unblock him though, you recognise yourself you wont get what you need from him. Please be kind to yourself and take good care. I will pray for your grandmother\'s soul and for your grandpa and the rest of your family. Sending healing hugs your way
Thank you guys for all the kind comments. It\'s been better than expected in the regards to the feelings. My grandpa has been in a good mood and today was the viewing and we visited where they will both be buried. We were both pleased with the way things have come out as in the arrangements. My grandma looks lovely and the flowers we got for are so beautiful. Tomorrow\'s the funeral and we have family coming in tonight. Gotta clean up a little. Thanks again, you guys are amazing!
I hope all goes well with the funeral. You are amazing keeping it all togethe. Strong woman.
I hope all goes well with the funeral. You are amazing keeping it all togethe. Strong woman.
so much on your plate.....i hope the services are nice and memorable. so sad to hear about your loss....a trigger you seem to have managed quite well!!
Thank you Linnda and Weneego for thinking of me and the compliments.