life's an illusion and maybe you don't need to be afraid
the cautiousness i have in life has come from really frightening experiences
should i let those fears steal away my ability to dream? or to take chances?
I think of religion and how that kind of has me grounded but I think also that I need
to make my own road. it's frightening to go down an uncharted road and dive into
a kind of life and set of knowledge that is really alien to the place and people that I come from.
Part of living my own life is going down my own road.
Maybe the whole stability of my life or 'in life' is an illusion until something needs to be set right or fixed.
Maybe I don't need to be afraid but maybe just accepting that issues will come up and i'll have to fix or prepare for them.( I feel safe right now because I have saved 4 months rent.)
So I appreciate being conservative and welll prepared and safe but also to know you are 'being that' with your head outside of the water
and maybe not so frightened to make a mistake all the time. Just trying to roll things over in my mind.
I've something I am trying to consider. My limits really smacked me in the face on Monday. Peace, M
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damn i don't know if I should continue where I am volunteering. The people there are so bright and capable. I feel like it's a whole world that I almost can't relate to. It's serious work and I am afraid I can't do it. I can reason that I should keep trying. My Psychiatrist said "It's good you're challenging yourself but don't push yourself too hard." He knows how I got sick in the past.
I think, from what I've read of your journals, you are also bright and capable. I also understand trying to push ourselves too hard and causing an episode. There can be a thin line between wellness and sickness. But, like you said, sometimes we have to take a chance on life. I always pray for guidance and peace in situations like that. That's the best I can do. Peace. :)
Its hard to find balance Mark, challenging ourselves, but keeping us well at the same time. How long have you been volunteering?
You are very wise Mark, insightful and aware of how the past affects things in the present. I so relate to what you have written, how you are feeling. I could have written it myself.
Thank you for sharing Mark. Its a good reminder to myself xx
thanks so much becky and ruby. I feel really blessed by you. Thanks!