Life on the other side...
Hi All! I am happy to report that there is life on the other side! I've been there, and that's why I've been too busy here lately to get on here much. But for those of you who haven't crossed this threshold yet, I just wanted to you to know that there is hope. i've made great strides in acheving my goal over the past few weeks. first of all, I signed my divorce papers today. Somehow instead of feeling sad, it was like a huge burden was lifted and the clouds cleared. I walked away from that office with my head held high, breathing in new life. Hours later, I am still feeling that release. Secondly, my ex just accepted a job with haliburton, 6 hours away from here in OK City. He's moving in 2 weeks. But all is well--my kids and i have adapted to very well to our new life. Our heads are staying above water, we play together much more, and i believe we have become even tighter knit than we were before. We're doing more things--this month, I get to make their dreams come true by taking them to a WWE match (oh won't that be fun!) And the following month, I get to go see my favorite band in the world--on my birthday! I haven't been to a concert since I was, maybe 14. And yet, my fav band just happens to be plaing an hour and a half away--did I mention on my BIRHTDAY! Yeah! How cool is that! And maybe one of the coolest things of all is well, that, I have somebody to go to that concert with. Not that I have jumped back into the dating pool head first. I actually don't care to be with anybody at the moment. However, I had decided that for my birthday this year, i was going to get a tattoo (yes, I said tattoo!) on my back to commemorate what I have survived as a reminder that i can survive anything. That was where I met him. And it was then that I found out that he has survived the same thing I have recently, except for much, much worse. And yet, he's handled it with such grace. Enough to where he was awarded full custody of his kids and maintained the same job he's had as a plant manager for over 12 years. In fact, judging by his jovial behavior and love of like, one would never know the hell he has survived. So I have a world of respect for him. And the best part of all is that we understand each other without being judgmental. We've both walked through that fire and know how badly it burns. He adores his kids, does everything for them, far and beyond what I have ever seen any father do. And for all that, I believe he is a stand up guy. Neither one of us are into getting serious at the moment, but it is nice to have that person who knows what you've been through, the impact of the pain, and because of that they work as hard as they can to put a smile on your face. My cheers to you, Kurt, and everybody else on this sight who has endured the uneduarable! We are all pretty strong and terrific! Yell it with me!!!!!
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Oh, guys! I am so sorry I haven\'t been on here in a while. Life has been insanely crazy, in most ways good. So here I am with a quiet moment at work, trying to process my thoughts.
First was Christmas. My kids and I spent the holidays up at my parents, six hours away from my insanity happening here. I only intended to stay three days (if you knew my parents, you would understand why such a short time!) Instead, not only did I become reacquainted with some old friends, but a lot of firsts happened in my life. Number one--I went to a bar. Yes, I am almost 29 years old and had never stepped foot in an actual bar. that was quite an experience! Number two--I went to Hooters for the first time! Actually, the whole purpose of that was to get a gift for my ailing grandpa, who is one of those \'dirty old men.\' He\'d been in the hospital for some time, and I\'ll never forget the look on his face when I brought him the Hooter\'s T-shirt I\'d bought him! I think he wore that thing the entire time I was up visiting!
And last but not least while on my holiday excursion. I...um...I went on my first date since my stbx and I split. I\'m not sure why I did it. I knew I wasn\'t ready. And in a lot of ways, I\'m glad I wasn\'t ready. That kept me from jumping into something that i knew I shouldn\'t. And honestly, neither was he. Instead, we had a great time just talking and laughing. In the end, we both agreed that neither one of us were ready to date. but we could sure as hell be awesome friends.
The main thing that that experience taught me was that the dating world is scary. And I\'m not ready to date anyone seriously. Holy crap, I don\'t know how people do it! I felt like my seventeen year old nerdy self!
I guess another important lesson that it taught me was not so much a lesson but a question--how could my stbx have done this while we were still together? I went on one date, and that whole time I kept thinking how awkward it felt, how something just didn\'t seem right. And I didn\'t even sleep with the guy, or anything near that! Yet, my stbx slept with the OW on their first date! How could he have consciously gone through those motions? We\'re not even together anymore and I still couldn\'t have done anything! I\'m not stupid--I\'m sure if I\'d have asked the guy if he wanted to have a sleep-over, I\'m sure he would\'ve said yes! But I just simply couldn\'t do that. Period.
Oh, plus when I am ready to sleep with someone again, i have to tell them about this little thing called herpes that my stbx gave me from his A!
Arggg!!!!!
Take a deep breath...okay...better...
So, the reason I have updated my goal is because I did something this week that makes me, well, sort of proud. I bought a new car, and did it all by myself, picked out exactly what I wanted and got the loan done with me and me only! I know that some might say buying a car during a divorce my be an ireesponsible decision. But my old car was burning and leaking oil to the point where I was having to refill the engine every two or three days. Plus the trans was starting to shift hard. Honestly, that car was most likely about to burn out, and now living by myself with 3 kids and a full time job where I have to depend on my car wouldn\'t have made for a good scenario when it does konk out. My divroce is final in just a few weeks, but I don\'t believe that car would\'ve lasted that long. It was so bad that the car dealership wouldn\'t give me a trade in on it! And yes, this only adds to my financial burden, but my peace of mind all makes up for that. After all, what would i do the next time my old car would\'ve broken down? CALL HIM? I don\'t think so! And I don\'t have any family around here to help with that. But now I know my kids and I are riding safe in the new car, plus it gets excellent gas mileage! I\'ll have to post some pics of it soon!
I know how difficult it is to start dating. It took really falling hard for someone for me to even consider it. I still feel like a teenager half the time. It is hard after being in serious relationships for the last 18 years for me to feel completely comfortable with all the \"firsts\". Good for you on taking the first step to be independent. Congrats on the new car.
Well sounds like u had a great holiday.Good for u for getting the car and everything else u did. It just goes to show u have achived all this on your own.Well done!!!!!!!!!
Well I\'m so glad that you aren\'t doing the rebound thing! That speaks volumes! But it was nice to dip your toes, in that water. Nothin wrong with that! Also, the car was a need, not a want! Also, I\'m wondering, since it\'s not a final divorce, could he be held responsible for half? Lol That would be a dream come true! Would be nice to squeeze him for somthing else, since he did what he did.
I hope that you have a great divorce attorney, and will get a decent child support payment! Are you set in that department? That\'s the least he could do, having fathered children, and than deceiving you, and pulling this stunt with children! I pray that you get every penny that is needed!
yeah i think you sound like a real healthy place