Life is weird, but i guess i have to continue on...

This past few days have been very weird.  I Blew up and lost my temper a few nights ago with Sarah.  I personally feel that she is trying to take the children away from me.  She still will not speak to me about anything.  I am going crazy with all of this because i dont know anything.  I did get to have my son today.  he is sleeping right now.  I am so happy to see him.  I feel really bad about all of this stuff.  I am thinking more and more about this situtaion, and realize more and more that i am wrong.  I wish there is some way to magically change myself over night.  I am trying so hard, and had a giant mess up the other night.  I love her and am willing to do anything i can for her.  I am not doing just for her, for myself.  I do not believe that there is just me anymore.  When i said 'i do,' and even before that, when i asked her to marry me, i knew i wanted to join my life with hers to be one person, one couple with her.  I am sorry for all of this.  I want to change for me and her.  I did before, and can again.  I need to read some more of the book keep the change.  i have not read it for a little while because of all the craziness going on in my life. i will write more later.