Life is tearing me apart.

My entire world is crashing down around me and I don't know what to do... I cry all of the time, my anxiety is really bad, I think about suicide constantly.... I am pushing everyone away... Nothing is going right... Everything that has kept me going has pretty much come crashing down and I feel like living is pointless... I laugh, smile, and do my best to act normal, but i still spend soo much time wishing i could just die.. Even yesterday, although no one noticed, i ended up in tears while watched tv with my mother and nephew.. it's getting so bad.. Not sure what I am supposed to do now.. No one i feel like i can go to.. Nothing to distract myself or make it better... No motivation to do anything.. Just want to curl up in my bed and pretend i do not exist... Why can I not just be happy?? I was doing so much better, now i am right back to wanting to just end my life.... I'm not sure if I can survive it this time....