Life is ongoing

The reality of living a life alone hits more often. Not necessarily bad; not necessarily good. Usually a blurred boundary of confusion about what that means. I guess we do not have to understand everything or know all the answers. I certainly would prefer that but it is not necessary for positive motion forward. My son will be a senior next year so I have a little time to sort out "the rest of my life." Or at least take it one day at a time and sort bit by bit. I'm feeling ready for some big changes which is exciting...and scary  Before, I hid behind work or moled at home in a book. Writing papers for school takes LOTS of time too. Yet it's time to poke my head out and take some risks. Risk getting close to others. I'm also feeling even open to getting close to a man, a good man this time. That just doesn't happen because I'm feeling more open to it. Or does it? Guess I'll find out about the law of attraction. I certainly see what I attracted into my life before taking responsibly for what I want. When I didn't own who I was, I attracted all sorts of odd men and situations. I'm more centered with me and curious who may be attracted to the real me. Never exposed myself so openly before. I hid behind what the guy wanted just to please him; for surely he'd like me enough to stay then. Didn't work. So I'm ready to take a leap and see what happens when I show me to others. Surely better than before. I'm curious, excited, a bit nervous too. It's time to stand up for me and live my own life in connection to those that really care about me for who I am. Okay, here goes...