Life is getting serious
I wrote this earlier but for some reason it stayed only in draft form. I decided to repost it.
I seriously need to make a decision about where to go to. I need another part time job as well maybe. I think my anxiety precipitated this serious panic. I wrote this before the service this morning and now I've written the below after the achievement of conducting St. Basil's liturgy.
I realize if I keep Christ or a Saint in mind to plead to while I am doing my work or simply as a concept or awareness for others I have a greater sight in reasonability to keep on with my work
I also realized that when doctor Marder suggested recently to appreciate that they want me here is important for me to try to do. I have had some pretty bad habits of just shutting that off and yet having the capacity to appreciate it is so important.
I’m seeing how my mind is so labile and it fatigues I have to deal with whether I can do this work or not.
What do you do in the question of self belief if you can do a commitment or not? Think on god?..after my mind has been so labile and variable?
Perhaps I should continue thinking on the Orthodox Saint for mental health . I’ll stop examining I just wanted to share this.
Replies
Big hug
I'm sorry that you're struggling
I know I've suggested this before but I would put a date on making a decision
It might help with just not knowing what to do
So if you decided say by Sept or October you would decide and follow through
Don't pressure yourself sweetie
You're never locked in to a decision
I think dropping it in your God box is a good idea
Deep breaths
I do think you were a lot happier when you had your apt at least you seemed so to me
You will come up with the right answer for you Marky
No matter what you decide there is no right or wrong
Just what's right for you
You can still be a Priest even if you don't live there if that's what you want
God knows you love him ....xo
Thanks Janet!!
Mark, a DBT skill is Pro/Con on the positive side as well as on the negative side.
https://www.bing.com/search?qs=NM&pq=dbt+pro+and+con+worksheet&sk=CSYN1UT1&sc=13-25&pglt=931&q=dbt+pro+con+worksheet&cvid=ffa4d4bf7d8846c4b7f4ba89076b275f&gs_lcrp=EgRlZGdlKgYIAhAAGEAyBggAEEUYOTIGCAEQABhAMgYIAhAAGEAyBggDEAAYQDIGCAQQABhAMgYIBRAAGEAyBggGEAAYQDIGCAcQABhAMgYICBAAGEDSAQkxNjAzMWowajGoAgiwAgE&FORM=ANNTA1&DAF1=1&PC=HCTS
Maybe? if you wrote it out by "hand" and had a hard copy to look at, change, reflect, rather than having so many thoughts...my mind is Roaring atm with thoughts, I got a note book to Write Everything Down to get it all out of my head, so I won't forget ideas, apts, whatever's...What works best for you to clarify Choices Of What/Need to feel self responsible, support yourself, and live independently as You Move Forward.
I think you were making strides prior to Monastery, to create a life doing things which made you happy in your community. If I remember correctly, I think that you relied more on your family for support, where as now it's more your therapist...perhaps other Monks...what I haven't seen is any "fun" time with the Monastery, more just routine of daily life.
There certainly has not been any talk of working...apartment? Were you working then? Not sure how much missing Blue is involved in the challenges...you are Out Of Your Normal, your room and other monastery so I'm not surprised with the conflict, new people, etc you are feeling.
I think Jan is right, maybe give yourself ? amount of time, so as not to pressure yourself and take those 'keep on keeping on steps' towards a time/goal of what you want in your life moving forward.
I hope you'll have a Blessed Easter!!! <3 ml
It's truly a difficult balancing decision of time, space, and feelings.
You have given yourself the opportunity to explore and expand your balance, and see for yourself what is possible for you!
Take the time to give yourself a chance in all those different moments.
Thanks Mary Louise and Mid!!