Life Hurts
I feel like shutting the world out, or wishing I never existed. Once again, I'm in the grip of depression. Life's problems are too much to handle sometimes. The kids know when I'm sad, but they don't fully comprehend how it affects me. Still haven't found the right therapist....not that it matters anymore. I probably need a higher dose of antidepressants, right now I'm taking 20mgs. per day.
It hasn't affected my daily routine of getting up in the morning and going to work. I'm able to function as normal while talking and laughing with my co-workers. I'm always professional. However, on the weekends...it's a different story. I'm usually alone, and I don't have to pretend that everything's ok. I've cried so much lately, that I barely have any tears left. I want the emotional pain to go away, but this is an unrealistic expectation. I'm carrying a heavy burden on my shoulders and it's become unbearable. It's easy to feel isolated and misunderstood by others.
I feel thankful for DS because I've been able to reach out for support and encouragement. Without it, my circumstances would be harder to cope with. I really appreciate my DS friends....love you all. This site allows me to express myself without fearing judgement and criticism. Thanks.
It hasn't affected my daily routine of getting up in the morning and going to work. I'm able to function as normal while talking and laughing with my co-workers. I'm always professional. However, on the weekends...it's a different story. I'm usually alone, and I don't have to pretend that everything's ok. I've cried so much lately, that I barely have any tears left. I want the emotional pain to go away, but this is an unrealistic expectation. I'm carrying a heavy burden on my shoulders and it's become unbearable. It's easy to feel isolated and misunderstood by others.
I feel thankful for DS because I've been able to reach out for support and encouragement. Without it, my circumstances would be harder to cope with. I really appreciate my DS friends....love you all. This site allows me to express myself without fearing judgement and criticism. Thanks.
Replies
Sabrina, I have been where you are at right now. Know that tears are really healing. even though it hurts, tears help you deal with stuff.
Try to keep your head above water until at least the doc can put you on a higher dose or something else. I got out of where you are, and I have FAITH in you that you will too. You are a strong person. God Bless You.
Take it easy on yourself this weekend.
Love Cathy
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am here for you, I want to help. Sending you sunshine,
H
There are ways of thinking that capture our minds...many of which are based in the perceived loss of something of ourselves.
That addresses some of the depression...the rest is bound up in trauma.
You may feel worthless because someone abused you. You may have internalized their messages, that were all based in myth, but reinforced with very real pain and hurt.
sorry to hear you are so down, Sabrina-I admire how you keep going come what may....i know the place where you are at-It sucks-keep looking for the light.
love and hugs
dinahxxxx
Hey Sabrina,
I am right there with you and you described how I feel exactly. But you are a strong lady as am I even if we don\'t feel that way sometimes. Hang in there, tie a knot and hang on because I know that you can make it through. Big Hug (((hugs))))
Hi Sabrina, I have a lot of problems on weekends too. Any time when I\'m alone and can think and get into my own mind. The bad thing is i crave that alone time and then I don\'t enjoy it. You sound like you need a different doctor medicine combination. I hope you feel much better soon. Take care and if i can ever be of help let me know.
Dave
My dear Sabrina, you may feel alone, but you are not....there is a big circle of love around you, coming from all of us who truly know what it feels like. We are walking this path beside you, moving with you out of the darkness. There is light up ahead, and you will feel joy in your heart again. Big hugs to you, Ani
comforting hugs. Hi Sabrina, we\'ll always be here for you, our wonderful friend. :) i\'m so sorry you are experiencing depression. i pray for comfort, healing, and peace. anytime you need too talk, i\'m always a message away. We\'re gonna help guide you through this rough time, and you have many beautiful days to look forward too. :) You deserve comfort, healing, and peace. take all the time you need angel to rest. it helps rejuvenate our spirits. :) keep strong, and surrounded by love, care, and support. :) We love you. :)
Hi Sabrina,
You are oh so right when you say your children know when your mood is off.
I don\'t know where you live in MA but I have not been able to find the right therapist either... but my Psychiatrist is awesome. She cancelled her afternoon the day I found out my baby would be stillborn and remained with me until I went to labor and delivery to be induced. She\'s helped me tremendously.
I am taking 40mg of celexa and anti anxiety med Klonopin .5mg... the combo seems to help. I see her once a month and several days in between... we even do phone appts. Send me a message if you\'d like her info.
It gets greater later!!!
Hugs!
N.
Look above and see the large support network you have. You truly are not alone. I do agree with some of the others that you probably need to reexamine your medication dosage and look into a new doctor. It\'s marvelous that you can still function at work, and even get up out of bed. That is a major accomplishment for one who is depressed. On your weekends, don\'t embrace your depression, which you are doing without acknowledging it; fight it, as if it is poison. When we are off from work we feel \"ok, now I can be myself\" and we delve into our bad habits. That should be your time to work on bettering your health, both mental and physical. Go out for walks. Do....anything that can exterminate those gloomy feelings. Fight, fight, fight.
Thanks to all of you, your support is appreciated. I\'ve been fighting this battle with depression for years, but I\'m still hanging on. *Hugs*
Sabrina
Congratulate yourself for being able to function and make it out of bed and to work. That is amazing you are able to achieve this given how you feel.
I certainly understand how you feel. I\'m still there myself. Being alone and isolating is tough.
I hope you feel better. If there is anything I can do, please don\'t hesitate to ask......
Thank you, Todd....I\'m feeling much better, one day at a time.
I\'m so sorry for how you are feeling and the depression.
I can so much relate to how you are feeling. It can be such a struggle.
Maybe a med increase would help?
(((HUGS)))
Thanks mystie, I\'m hoping to increase the meds. I appreciate your support and hope you\'re feeling well.