Life Goes On
I sat here alone tonight, thinking, wondering, and making plans. Life hurts, but life goes on. I think my son's son said it very profound for a 17 year old who misses his dad so much. He wrote: "Things have changed, yet things are still the same" He wrote this on his dad's 5 months in Heaven. I wished we lived closer, I know he needs someone to talk to and he would talk to my husband, they have a lot in common.
When we went to AL to watch his spring football game, I found that our church at their yearly convention will pay tribute to the Pastor's in our church who have passed away this past year. Not only did Ken's wife loss Ken, but she also lost her uncle earlier in 09. As we were talking, I found out about the tribute and that so far no one could attend the ceremony. I, of course, volunteered.
On June 29, we will go to our church headquarter's to attend the Tribute, which I am truely honored to do, as HE was my SON!!and so proud of HIM.
Then in July, the FMO retreat. I am looking forward to meeting everyone on here that is going. I think both events will have much meaning, along with sad times, happy times, fun times, meeting new friends. As we all probably feel if you feel like me, I am happy for these opportunities but also somewhat fearful. I look forward to the retreat, but not why we are going, just for the chance to meet some of you face to face and share hugs and tears and find some peace while we struggle with our pain.
This year as the last several years have taken on different meanings in my life. I don't think I take life for granted as I did. Losing Ken in Dec and the memorial in Jan, just still don't seem real, the day Dec 30th, 2009 my life stopped, I did not feel I could ever move forward. I just wanted to get all my family and friends and just go be with Kenny. Of course we know we can't. Then I got sick and was not sure I would survive that, which was a given I could have died. But I didn't, then I guess that is when it hit me, No matter what Life Goes ON! plans are made, graduations, parties, birthday's, it still continues to continue on with the living and with our beautiful children who have gone on before us to their Heavenly home.
As I journal this, Life Goes On, People Keep Living I continue to make plans. That day in Dec, I did not see my life going on, but I guess life has a way to make sure we do.
Forever I will remember that night in Dec, Forever, it is sketched in my brain, Forever, I will continue to miss my son, to cry, to love, but also to Live. That I know my son would want.
Hopefully, as I make plans for each day and with whatever is for that day, that I will remember God gave me four wonderful son's, Ken left this earth earlier than I had wished, but God allowed me to know him, to watch him grow and with his children, I still see Ken at work on this earth.
No matter our pain the day we had to face our child's death, the pain of feeling life was over, and if it could have been we would have grasped it in our palm's and held on for another time with our children. But until that day........Life Goes On!
I love you Ken and thank you for the courage you showed me. Your mom....
When we went to AL to watch his spring football game, I found that our church at their yearly convention will pay tribute to the Pastor's in our church who have passed away this past year. Not only did Ken's wife loss Ken, but she also lost her uncle earlier in 09. As we were talking, I found out about the tribute and that so far no one could attend the ceremony. I, of course, volunteered.
On June 29, we will go to our church headquarter's to attend the Tribute, which I am truely honored to do, as HE was my SON!!and so proud of HIM.
Then in July, the FMO retreat. I am looking forward to meeting everyone on here that is going. I think both events will have much meaning, along with sad times, happy times, fun times, meeting new friends. As we all probably feel if you feel like me, I am happy for these opportunities but also somewhat fearful. I look forward to the retreat, but not why we are going, just for the chance to meet some of you face to face and share hugs and tears and find some peace while we struggle with our pain.
This year as the last several years have taken on different meanings in my life. I don't think I take life for granted as I did. Losing Ken in Dec and the memorial in Jan, just still don't seem real, the day Dec 30th, 2009 my life stopped, I did not feel I could ever move forward. I just wanted to get all my family and friends and just go be with Kenny. Of course we know we can't. Then I got sick and was not sure I would survive that, which was a given I could have died. But I didn't, then I guess that is when it hit me, No matter what Life Goes ON! plans are made, graduations, parties, birthday's, it still continues to continue on with the living and with our beautiful children who have gone on before us to their Heavenly home.
As I journal this, Life Goes On, People Keep Living I continue to make plans. That day in Dec, I did not see my life going on, but I guess life has a way to make sure we do.
Forever I will remember that night in Dec, Forever, it is sketched in my brain, Forever, I will continue to miss my son, to cry, to love, but also to Live. That I know my son would want.
Hopefully, as I make plans for each day and with whatever is for that day, that I will remember God gave me four wonderful son's, Ken left this earth earlier than I had wished, but God allowed me to know him, to watch him grow and with his children, I still see Ken at work on this earth.
No matter our pain the day we had to face our child's death, the pain of feeling life was over, and if it could have been we would have grasped it in our palm's and held on for another time with our children. But until that day........Life Goes On!
I love you Ken and thank you for the courage you showed me. Your mom....
Replies
Sandi, your entry sounds better than it has in a while. I think you are in a new stage...only you would know what stage it is....but I am happy that you have things to look forward to....like the wonderful tribute to Ken and those who have dedicated their life\'s work to God\'s ministry. I, too, am glad to be meeting moms face to face....hug to hug.....we will unite in our sorrow but also in our healing....love to you dear one....dale, brandon\'s mom
Eventually we do come to the crossroads where we either give in to the sadness and let it control our lives or we choose to keep living because we realize that life does go on and we better start participating in it again. I know your heart aches but that ache will lessen in time and life will be worth living. Enjoy those grandkids that are so much a part of your son. Love to you. Robin
your son has been gone such a short time, so right now you are in the throws of tumoil anguish, missing sad still kind of numb. grief is a live long process. and with your kids you never get over it but life goes on and you weather the storms of life once more. gone but never forgotten. or dear children. i miss my rosalind, hugs zzztop
Such a wise journal, Sandi. Life does go on and we can choose to march along with it, our heads held high, seeking whatever goodness and joy we can, or we can choose to stick our heads in the sand forever because our precious children are no longer with us. I\'m so happy to hear you are choosing LIFE, making plans and will attend the service for Kenny and the retreat.
Sending love and forward-looking hugs ~ Debbie
I know that Ken is proud of the way you are choosing to \"go on with life\". I still have days that I want to throw up my hands and just give in to the despair, and there are times I just have to \"cry it out\" and work my way back to the \"lighter side\". I think we will always struggle with those times. I know that Clinton is right there with me, reaching his hand out to help pull me back out of the darkness. I honor him by living my life in the most positive way I can. Can\'t wait to meet you at the retreat...love and hugs...Lynn
Beautifully said and from the heart dear Sandi. Those of us who cannot attend the retreat will be with you in spirit and hope you will feel us too. I wish I could be there yet it will not happen this year. These passages are part of the healing journey and none of us are meant to remain in that acute grief time for long or we would implode. Each as it needs to be yet a deep sigh when we can begin to feel the sunshine upon our faces and notice our blessings in the midst of our longing for our precious children. Take care my friend and I so appreciate your thoughts. Hugs, Joanie
Loving you, and going on with life with you, Danette
Beautifully written and how wise your grandson is...so true...we must go on...because life DOES go on. I too look forward to the retreat...I remember the first retreat I went to (in San Diego)it was so unreal...that I was there with these wonderful women because my son had died. I do want you to know it was still a wonderful experience...the connection is real...love and hugs...Karen
So true, life goes on and so do we. I\'m with you and Karen so looking forward to the retreat. I was blown away by last years and wouldn\'t miss it for the world, though I did go through a rough patch after I came home. There is a lot of emotion the will need to be dealt with. Hugs Cathy
Your feelings are so pure, and your loss so recent. The shock of losing a child is profoundly life changing. Yes, indeed life goes on, and we become more alive with each passing day, but deep within our soul, there is a sorrow that is so heavy. It takes tremendous courage and faith to allow God\'s grace to help us heal. I look forward so much to meeting you. Love, Rebecca
Life does go on. It will never be the same again though, Hugs Susan
You said a mouthful. Life goes on around us and the living need us. That is what keeps me going, when I want to give up. Ken is waiting for you, in the mean time, you have to take care of the living, that need you. I feel our children, who have past, are with us all the time and will be waiting there for us, when we arrive.. Hang in there....Hugs. Wish I could go to the retreat. Maybe next year.
Life does go on but the loss is multiplied by people in addition to ourselves who have suffered due to the loss of our child/children. But in time we all somewhat learn to accept the absence of our loved one in their physical form but rely on them to be there for us in their spirit form. Our numbers are many but together we stand strong. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
How true each of your comments. It is so weird peaceful feeling I have. Of course I still cry and still wish Ken was here and be with him, but yes he is here in spirit. I never felt him except in dreams and now I feel him daily. Love to you all Sandi
Sandi,
Looking forward to meeting you at the retreat. Life has really showed us who is boss and it really does put a different perspective on things. We will never again take anything for granted for it can be taken away at the blink of an eye. Hugs, Inga