Life goes on and on
I have just completed my usual two nights a week work and am trying to adjust today back to day shift. It has turned colder here and a windy day today. I went saturday to buy flowers for my hanging baskets. I haven't planted them as of yet, I might do that this week. I did manage last week to half clip my dog Molly. OH MY.... She really needs more clipping around the neck and leg areas, didn't mess it up to badly but am not a pro by any means. This week I have to get my car serviced and have a driving lesson....Yes after all these years I actually am taking driving lessons in order to pass my driver test I have coming up in June. This makes the second time I will be taking the driving test I failed the first one and do to the back log I just recieved a date to take the test after 6 months of me applying. The test is really harder than the one I took in the states many years ago. I do hope I pass this time because I really want to get this behind me. I go for another MRI in June also, I hae been diagnosed with a tumor in my ear called accoutic nervoma, this MRI will check the rate of growth. Compared to the one I have over a year ago. It was found by luck when I went to ENT doctor for a check up I just mentioned that I had some ear drainage, he decided to check my hearing I had some hearing loss so he decided to do a MRI, which that is when they found it, So far I haven't had any symptoms except ringing in my ears at times. This is a very slow growing tumor and is benign, but does have to be watched sooner or later I will have to decide what treatment to have, Ireland only offers surgery at this point which they will have to do brain surgery. I can go to England to have radiation if I chose to but don't have to decide at this point..... So June is looking like going to be a busy month for me. Peter has decided to take off work ,as well as me ,so we can get some work done around the house. We still have to get the garden shed built, so hopefully we can get to that while we are off work.Does the happy feeling ever come back after the death of your child? Sometimes I get a feeling but it is very fleeing. I use to be a very up beat and happy person. Most of the time very positive. Now I just haven't been to get my old self back and I miss that person so much. I miss the realtionship that I could have had with Khristy if she had just got off the drugs. I do believe in God and know Khristy is in heaven where her life is so much better than it was here on earth, but I still miss her and wished so much this had never happen. I guess sometimes that can be selfish thinking, because I am saying she is better off being in heaven and then wanting her here. I don't look at things the way I use to I don't have the excitement I use to have when I do things. Sometimes I just want to scream and tell people my daugther is dead so just piss off....
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