Life Changes
I heard a song on the radio this morning . I have heard it before and once again, it spoke to me. It is a country song by Thomas Rhett.(LIFE CHANGES) Forgive me for again focusing on trains, but a very big line in it says "You can't stop so just hop on the train". To me that is what I did... taking that step... or risk (if you will) Another very important line is "I wouldn't change it for the world" I think many of us would like to , but then it wouldn't feel so good when things are finally better.
I would like to dedicate this to not just one but many special friends on here. She thanked me for sharing my story to remind and encourage others... and there are SO MANY of you who have settled and struggled and put up with verbal abuse and neglect... continuing to give to others while getting nothing back. She reminded me that she appreciated knowing there may be setbacks, but that does not discount taking those chances. I was embarassed every time I did stumble and struggle with a setback... after all, I wanted to show it could be done perfectly. (Perhaops, but not by me. lol) I will say it is worth it in the end.
Unless you do begin to take that first risk and start to face your problems head on, nothing will change. We will stay miserable, unhealthy and dreading each new day. I have my hands full. I am taking steps to clean up and clear out the house... also have several health issues I need to check into (Sadly I am from the old generation... "what you don't know can't hurt you"... well, guess what???) And looking ahead to a few other changes I would like to make. I have alot ahead of me, but look forward to it. (And not to worry, I am not getting overwhelmed, instead, alotting some time each day to work on different issues to chisel away at the huge tasks facing me )
PS I would also hear from someone else very special that I was important to him. These are the moments we are all thankful for and do help to fill us up. We all need to know we are loved and matter.... AND YOU ALL DO!!!
Love and hugs, Kim
Replies
Hugs Kim. You are right. Grab that bull by the horn and swing it. Life is to be lived not dreaded. I took that first step 13 years ago and now I am at peace with myself and life in general. You will be fine, my friend. Learn to be your own best friend and to love yourself too. Having a partner in life is great but it is because we want one, not need one. I would love to have a man in my life but lately I love being by myself too much. I don't even want a room mate.
Mary you have been a role model for me as well. Hearing how content and steady you have been since you took that step has given me faith and hope that it can be done. Now I see it is! And as tough as the whole big picture may seem, it is worth the effort... Just a step or two at a time. Thanks for sharing your story along the way as well. I do think that is the key... each of us to lead by our own stories and hurdles... It makes it easier for the next down the line.
Kim, those first few years were hell on earth. But I did it. I did not believe what others were telling me at first, but as time went on, I started to. One thing be gentle with yourself. I mean really gentle and loving. You deserve it. And do not be afraid to say No. such a short but powerful word. Hugs
Hugs Kim.
Kim since I’ve known you, you have had to deal with many things. You are strong and resilient. I am so proud of you and this new outlook on life, you are absolutely right you have to take the risk or nothing will change, you have been a constant support for me and I am grateful for your friendship.
One step at a time, you got this!
Love ya,
Kim
Thank you all. (Big grin here... and not even an evil one. lol)
Kim. as Mary.mentioned she is so right....TWO very important 4 letter words...WANT. and NEED..You learn to love yourself you become a.WHOLE person.then.you DO NOT...NEED a man you may.choose to WANT a man but.you are still whole without.him as Mary says.A WHOLE person is.much.more. desirable than a.Needy one.
Kim you have more courage then you give yourself credit for! Lots of people are proud of you here!
~~~Peace~~~
And you are both so right. I am finally finding that in myself. What I do find very interesting is that I was always able to share unconditional love with others, but not myself. For me, it would take feeling that from someone special. As he put it, we do reflect in each other. I have always wished for a stronger faith (translation... I wanted God to lead me by the hand. Others I know would find their "signs" but I seemed to look too hard) It is like we are able to share and tell each other what I do think we longed to hear from a higher power. HE seems to speak through us.
It is funny because I have thought I have so much love to give and feel cheated because I have noone to share it with. What I am discovering is that love can be shared with many. I still hope for more with this man (who has become a big part of my life... as I have his) But I do not need it to be who I am finally becoming. It is truly a want.
hey kim you found out a secret to life.....take risks that are not dangerous but to the internal self.....no physical harm would happen but internal growth could....and you grew....you are still grieving the husband that let you down and died....not to forget him causing some pain but also a push to make changes....you were going to divorce him before he left without that outcome.....
I sit here and also see you started Sex on the brain group here too.....many frustrations in that area for lots of us even those married people or singles both it was a risk to take and you did.....me my family never talked about sex....and when I explored it I did it all wrong....so I had embarrassments from those things sexual....I have never had a longer term sexual relationship than my marriage which failed in three years.....of less
I am not terribly religious but I don't believe god to be this being that sits up in heaven and decides who gets a partner and who does not, who have a family and who does not or who gets sick and who does not. Or even who gets prayers answered and who does not. I believe god is not bound by that very human way of thinking, not even close. I do think god is in everything, in you, in me, in nature, everywhere. The signs we are looking for, those signs are US, are nature, are life all around us. I think we just have to get out of the way and let that unfold as we choose how to live and who we meet along the way.
Two of my favorite quotes are by Rainer Maria Rilke:
“Let everything happen to you. Beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final”
And
“Let life happen to you. Believe me: life is in the right, always.”
That is to me saying just go out there and live! The good, the not so good, the fear, the whatever else. just keep going. The rest will follow, whatever that "rest" may be. We are here for only so long. Make it all count!
One thing I want to say if I can: I think your husband was ultimately a very frightened person to the point where he just gave up on life, and all that comes with it. You on the other hand, you were stronger and braver than him. You just maybe didn't feel strong or brave but you kept hanging in there knowing there were good things in life to be had. So to me, I don't think you've actually been transformed. I think this was always you. It's just you don't have anyone holding you back from your true self any longer. It's like stepping out a bunker into the light of day. Pretty damn wonderful.
@bill--- thank you. I did start that group. I was brought up and still surrounded by shame and guilt but was coming to understand that should not be the case. There seem to be many of us embarrassed but with it definitely preoccupying our thoughts (because of our lack of it) Gives us somewhere to go and vent and laugh...
@rmb--- I do like your way of thinking... that higher power is in everything.... each of us, nature and all the beauty that surrounds us. And thank you for that compliment... that I simply have noone to hold me back any longer. You could very well be right. First it was my mom and sister... then hubby.... I have finally broken free and still get a chance to take in all this joy and wonder. (while I still have some time left.)
One of my favorite quotes: ‘we choose to be beggars in our own kingdom’ It’s so true. Over the years I somehow convinced myself that I didn’t deserve all the good that’s right inside me. F-ing crazy now that I’m seeing it clearer.
Stagnation is the glue that holds the momentum from beginning. Break the bond and roll down the track. (train :)
I do hear you Jason.... and you're right. What the hell were we thinking? (or actually told?) I am definitely finding train analogies all over these days. My problem is that my chief engineer has jumped and abandoned ship (or train if you will). I am left at alone at the helm. Yeah, I know it's ok now... was just getting used to having another there and optimistic about what is left to come.... and have someone to share joys and concerns with. Feeling like I have to adjust to always relying on just myself.
I am sending you a Thomas toot....trains again Thomas the tank kids show...LOL