life and ownership - I don't know if this makes sense
I was thinking how in life you kind of also need some detachment - interpersonally - it's like an invisible boundary -
it can't be about my boundary alone and so for me it's coming in the form
of seeing other people's sense of beauty (which motivates them and me separately/individually) - - it's letting me see myself and also others -
the whole issue is manifesting new thoughts for me in this new found distance between folks (in a sense of confidence too!)
I am here at the monastery now - and I am also starting to have a sense
of ownership about it. The services and just doing what I am supposed to do are not the only thing I am interested in
doing. So I am reminded when I get into a conversation with someone - a parishioner or whomever I also will focus getting back to taking care of and the ownership of my life and the things that make it up.
It’s weird, I came out to take the Abbess’ father to a doctor appointment today. The tv in the waiting room is on, which is a rarity for me. The USA seems like such a system for exploitation of people rather than humane. My sister made the right move to live in Europe. But I am seeing the US as definitely being a system with compassion for those in the position of ownership of their lives of their families etc..taking care of all that too. It makes sense in a lot of ways. People are people wherever you go. The US may not
be ideal - and maybe it will evolve but right now I feel good about my ownership of my life here, at the monastery, my relationships
and my work. I am very lucky.
Replies
I sent this journal to my therapist too but I prefaced it with this note below. I am sharing that with you guys too.
Have a great beautiful day!!
hi m! i had some insights today that really had me feeling good
about the way and the direction of my life is headed. I was out and about
with a member of the community - taking him to his doctors.
I came back to my room afterwards and that's when sadness and a wall hit.
I think the wisdom I find at times can be exciting and informative but
in the end of it I am still the same person. My challenges may be illumined
by the wisdom but I still have to take the incremental steps forward
to making my way in the world. I was going to send this journal to you -
but then I started to get real down - and so I started to ask myself "WHY?"
I resolved to write this preface to you about it and I find myself feeling happier,
and more resolved and well rounded about it. Anyways. I'll check out job listings now.
I go to meal prep in a about 30minutes. Today when I was out I did get tired
and I started to hear things...but that made me think of the fatigue and stress at times
being a trigger. I guess you probably know about that already.
Anyways, here's the journal. I guess, again, the big ideas i might have should not be
blinding me to the essential steps that I and everyone have to make in life
to create it.
personally, i need lots and lots of detachment to achieve serenity. my savior complex is intense enough that i tend to take EVERYTHING personally. if a foreign celebrity has a cold, it must be my responsibility somehow. i need to drop everything and run to the rescue. where's my super cape?
but it is yet another question of balance. . . in my coping with the delusions of the savior complex, i have been known to swing to the opposite extreme to drop off the grid entirely and isolate to the point of self-destruction. always something, huh?
side note
can you believe denzel washington declined my rescue attempts?
:-)