Life and it's Tolls

NellW 09/09/2011
Sandi, I can just feel the pain and sadness in your heart. I wish I could say something to help. I too have no answers. I am just tired of being tired and sad all the time. I am sending you some peace on this day and hoping that you can get some rest.
Your friend, Nell

heartsandhands 09/09/2011
Dear Sandi, It\'s the unendingness of the sorrow and loss, and the foreverness of the questions without answers that can really exhaust you. When I read back in your journals you have had a few times that felt not as dark. Do you think that\'s true? I don\'t mean you didn\'t miss your sweet Ken every minute of every day, but that there were days you felt you could breathe and carry on and choose to be an instrument of joy and peace? Yes, I\'m thinking of the prayer of St. Francis: \"Lord make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is darkness, let me bring light...\" and so forth... I\'m sure you know it. Even as you carry this enormous sadness, you can choose to be an instrument of light.

If you are finding that you are slipping into a place of paralyzing pain and darkness, you might need to talk with your pastor and doctor. I know there\'s no way we can take the \'temperature\' of your sadness... only you could say when you think that maybe it\'s time for asking for help. And if you ever think that there\'s no point to life and that no help could make a difference... when you get to that extreme disconnect with anything and everything you ever cared about (your other children, your beautiful grandchildren, the earth around you) then you definitely need to tell someone you could use some help. I hope you know I am sending you all the serenity I can............... hmmm I guess the prayer of St. Francis and the Serenity Prayer are my two faves. They\'re good in almost any effort, and life sure does take effort.

How is your lovely little Jessica doing?

Thank you for your poetic ability, by the way. You are so good at expressing the questions.

Wish I could help more. Be very gentle and kind to yourself as the days pass and the seasons change... you\'re alive and sometimes it really hurts... but it\'s a blessing from your creator and you bring light to the world, just by being you.

Love, Sarah

SusanLarson 09/09/2011
Hang in there Sandi. They say it does get better & we will come out of this having learned so much. Have faith you will, my thoughts are with you, Love Susan

rcoco 09/09/2011
Dear Sandi,
I wish I could say magic words that could help you pull out of the hopelessness you are feeling. I am with Sara, maybe it is time to seek professional or pastoral help. Perhaps a medication could help you through this dark time. Sadly, no one can do it for you....but I know you have other children that need you and love you....depression is a serious condition....please take gentle care of yourself....There is always hope. Much love to you, Rebecca

CorriesMom 09/09/2011
Yikes! I think from the multiple responses from everyone that I am not the only one having trouble with DS right now...

Anyway ~ I know what you mean, sweet Sandi. Sometimes the longer it\'s been, the more hopeless and desperate we feel ~ the sense of finding no way out of this unending, relentless pain, sadness and loss. The cycles of grief do keep wending their way through our beings ~ some days are better than others. But I agree with Sarah and Rebecca that perhaps you need some sort of professional assistance to lift you gently out of this downward spiral you find yourself in. Your poetry is eloquent and clear in expressing your heart ~ but we want you to feel happier and stronger.

Thinking of you today with the utmost tenderness and sending a prayer of uplift, healing and hope.

With much love and hugs of peace ~ Debbie

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Life and it's Tolls

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