Letting him in..just a little....

My husband finally spoke words that allowed me to open my heart, just a bit.When I asked him where would his son and I be right know if I didn't up and leave, tears fell.  Not the usual tears and definately not the anticipated line of excuses.  I quote"I am so glad you did what you did, not only for our son but for you too.  I am just ashamed that I couldn't and didn't do it.  I don't have all the answers yet but I am trying to make some changes in my life."  I remember telling someone that the man I fell in love with would thank me someday if his mind was ever clear.  He loved us too much, ya know? It was the most honest and real he has been in years and for the first time in a long time...I recognized the man I fell in love with 13 years ago.  I do not anticipate us getting back together anytime soon.  He still has a journey to travel and it's one he must travel alone.   However, the hope of this marriage and this family being saved is something I still hold on to.  Well, as long as God keeps me here anyways. I've learned to be still in God's will and not try and arrange my life of what I think it should be.  I based too many decisions in the past on my emotions and not necessarilly what's right.  Prayer has helped me with this, 'cause afterall...we're all human and will almost always act on our feelings.  Until I surrendered to His will, that was all I knew.  So, I'll sleep peacefully in knowing that my prayers are being answered and hearts and minds being healed.  It may not be in my time but God is never late!  So thank you Lord for loving me and for giving me peace in the midst of the tornados of my life.