Letting go of the Anger
It finally happened. I woke up this morning with the relization that my husband desperately wanted to live. He died of an anuerysm, one caused by high blood pressure. He was a salt lover and I couldn't stop him. Up until today I'd been angry, feeling that he didn't do enough to live. He didn't exercise and worked way too much. But this morning, I remember how he kicked his 40 year smoking habit. And I thought how incredibly hard that had to be. I've struggled with weight problems these last 15 years. I want to be slim, but it's hard. Yet, DH was able to stop smoking because he wanted to be there for me and his daughter. He stopped smoking and never picked up a cigarette again.
Incredible.
I'm not saying the anger won't resurface in some way, but I don't think it will come back with the intensity I've had since he passed. I guess I'm in the next stage of grief.
Incredible.
I'm not saying the anger won't resurface in some way, but I don't think it will come back with the intensity I've had since he passed. I guess I'm in the next stage of grief.
Replies
Wish my Marti had quit. She smoked for 40 years as well. Hugs, Kip.
My anger is aimed at the fact that my dear Buddy wasn\'t able to get a liver transplant....he did all the right things years ago to improve his health when we found out he had Hep C...quit drinking, quit smoking...the only thing he was left with was his love of food and that didn\'t kill him...if more people would just donate organs...he would be here with me...but he is not..and I have to let that go..as all of us I think some day will come cures for what our spouses died from and it will be a day to late...hugs Ellen
I also wish Rene\' had quit.
Sometimes the anger can come and go. I am still angry that Smokey died and changed my life 100%, which will never ever be the same again. It has been 9 months since Smokey died. Don\'t talk about Christmas. Smokey made Christmas special just for me. He died in November so last Christmas sucked. I can\'t help feel sad talking about Christmas. I used to love that holiday but now it is not the same. A friend named Dave was talking about Christmas today and it just made me feel sad. I realize me being sad about Christmas is because Smokey died in November. I wonder if that will change.
Letting go of that anger is so good! You know we all do things that are probably not in our best interest at times. That\'s life. I like food way too much and can\'t seem to quit eating some things that are not always the best for me. During the past 32 months I\'ve not been especially worried about what I ate either. The first yr I lost weight because I wasn\'t hungry. I think I gained most back! I think I\'m going to be more like Joe was and just enjoy life. (I\'ve been working on this weight issue this week and lost 4 lbs. YAY!)
I\'ve went through hurt and anger at Joe about not going following Dr. directions, but, finally decided that when it is your time, well, you go. After all God knows even the number of hairs on our head, HE certainly knows the no. of our days.
Hugs, Joely