learning to rest
things are going well here. I feel strong enough and self assured enough
to trust my evaluations of things. I am wondering if the monastery is the best use of my energies.
At times I think I could work at a job - but then again it is a BIG difference from here.
I was thinking about emailing a friend who works for a major corporation in LA if he thought
there were any jobs for me. I think I feel so good at times, especially like now because of the structure and rules
and routine and that all of that help me get in touch with healthy perspectives while living here.
I feel a sense of commonality, I feel a sense of humanity and shared but different experience.
I also know I can maximize the good things in my life here.
Well, I just came back to my room - exhausted from the long 3 hour service today and I'm
just learning to get in touch with how to rest in a way that doesn't blind me to other aspects of my life.
Pleasure can blind me sometimes.
Sounds weird I know. I am in touch with my body but not going off the deep end - I'm keeping my wits
about me and just learning to relax! :)
Replies
I lose my place mentally at times. My pride, my sense of identity and what makes me happy all gone and it’s like I’m left with no ground or life to stand on. Looking at that just now I recognized that at one point in my life when I would struggle with this amorphousness I would get all upset like a baby who was fussing but didn’t know what to do about it. Today I realized i wanted my life to feel valuable, to feel special and wanted to feel good about my life. I also realized we all want that in different ways. It’s given me an insight I can work with and move forward with on my day.
I’m also learning what people will do to affirm themselves in the face of possible attack or criticism, to shore themselves up in order to feel good about themselves and their lives.
Wow! 3 hours is a long service! I think anyone would be exhausted. A pentecostal service is 1 & 1/2 hours and that exhausts me from just sitting And listening. Being a musician, all I have to do is play my song, and sit back down again in a pew in the back, but it's still nerve wracking to me.... I can only imagine what it does to you. Hugs
Big hug sweetie...This is a long day for you and I'm guessing tomorrow will be even longer
Happy and Blessed Good Friday sweetie
I hope that you'll have a lovely service and I hope that you can rest well tonight
Big hug and a blessing sent...xo
Thanks Jan and Bob!!!! Xxoo
. . .lose my place mentally. , ,
hmmmmm. . .
is mentality a place or a concept?
chew chew. . .
thanks arfie!