Learning The Art of Eating Elephants

Dear Fred:
All of us have heard the following:  QUESTION: "How do you eat an elephant?
                                                ANSWER:   "One bight at a time."
During the past 17 months since Nick died I have appreciated this saying more and more.  When Nick died I found myself facing all sorts of huge, confusing and frustrating things that needed to be done. (Everyone who has their life partner die is about in the same boat, I suspect.)  When I looked at this huge "elephant"  it was so large I couldn't see above, under, around or through him.  Here are a few things I have learned about eating this elephant:
First of all you need to accurately identify the elephant.  As time went by and I started digging in to some of the things I now had to get done, I realized this monster elephant was actually a whole herd of elephants instead on one.  They were just bunched together so closely that it looked like one gigantic beast.  Instead I found many beasts..... This was good.  Even though I had more elephants to eat, each elephant was a little smaller and easier to manage than the one huge giant one!
The first elephant I tackled was the medical billings.  Now, just by himself, this was one large nasty elephant!  He twisted and turned and even at times tried to over charge me.  Fortunately there was a wonderful woman handling Nick's insurance claims who had helped many people eat this type of elephant.  She equipped me with the knowledge and tools I needed to take this elephant head on.  After several months this elephant had been eaten.
Another elephant who was closely related to the first one involved finding myself new medical insurance as I now had none for myself.  I wasn't sure even how one did this.  Getting direction from friends I finally found a way to bag this elephant!  He is an expensive little beast to maintain but he is now under control.   (Quite a small elephant once he was separated from the herd.)
The next elephant that needed attention was going through Probate and then getting car titles, the property deed, car titles and bank accounts properly in my name.  Once again, asking around helped!  A good friend told me of an attorney who had helped their family.  With the help of this attorney we were able to have this elephant eaten in just a few months.
After that elephant, I ran across another that looked really huge.  I took a second look.  Yup!  He was pretty darned big.  Nick had everything set up on-line, all sort of pass codes,etc.  I never knew anything about what was there (a vague idea at best.)  He became so sick so suddenly that he was able to spend only 15 minutes with me one day showing me what he could about the computer.  As I am very unlearned in the "tech" area I didn't know how to even approach this elephant.  I started out going to the bank.  Once again, a very kind person patiently helped me equip myself to bag and eat this elephant.
I discovered this elephant had a twin!  The one I was already eating was the elephant in the USA. The twin elephant was running rampant and wild over in England.  This was and still is a real challenging elephant.  After 17 months of chasing this beast I think I am now closing in on him.  Hopefully he will be finished within a few more months.
Then there was the elephant that encompassed "what to do with Nick's possessions".  Once again, I found this actually to be several elephants.  When I realized this I was then able to take one elephant at a time.  His best friends were invited over to take any of his books they would like. The remainder are being looked at by used book stores.  The ones rejected will then be offered in a garage sale and/ or donated.(The garage sale is a whole different animal.  I have him in my sights to next Spring.)  
I have taken small bights of all the elephants surrounding Nick's possessions.  Each time I can nibble at the elephant for just a short time as it really is a painful process.  It seems when I go after this group of elephants I end up crying and so worn out I have no energy for anything else at all.  The good news is:  I actually am making some progress! 
There are some really big elephants still out there that I won't take time to write about in detail.  These elephants deal with what do I want to do with my life?  What sort of interests do I actually have? (You get the idea.)  I have a feeling it may take me quite some time to bag and eat that particular bunch of elephants.  However,  I have already eaten several that I thought would be hopeless.  I'll just keep nibbling tiny bits at a time..  I suspect I will choke every now and then.  The important thing is not to give up.
During these months without Nick I have learned the following about the art of eating elephants;
1. Properly identify the beast.  Is it really one gigantic one or is he really several smaller elephants you can take on one at a time?  And, is he an elephant or just a little field mouse?  Sometime what I thought was an elephant was just a mouse dressed up to look like an elephant.  Other times the harmless field mouse surprised me by growing tusks and then giving me a good tromping with huge feet.   (Ouch!  That really was an elephant!)
2. Ask for help and directions.  There are many people out there who can help you gain the knowledge and tools to bag and eat your elephants.  No one should try to eat all the elephants without a little guidance.
3. Get plenty of rest.  Eating elephants exhausts you emotionally, physically and mentally.  And, it is okay to give yourself a break from eating elephants to recoup your energy to continue.
4. Sometimes it seems like there are more and more elephants and you will never make it through the herd.  Looking at the ones you have already eaten or at least controlled  instead of looking at all the ones you still have to tackle helps give you encouragement and feelings of accomplishment and ability.
Thank you, Fred, for letting me share what I have learned.  I need to sign off now as I can hear an elephant approaching.
 
Darlene                                                                                 August 30,2012