learning so much you guys - I hope I don't seem like a creep
today has been incredible in terms of what I am seeing
about myself, the people around me, around town and in life in general.
Again 'we're all just people' like my therapist said - but each of us, has to be considered
for the different sides of ourselves, I am seeing things within myself and ourselves - the 'likes' that we have
and things that help us feel comfortable in daily life through a certain 'compass of behavior' that we
enact daily - and with it we communicate through that to others too- about ourselves
everyone has light and dark but also has a dichotomy of belief and opinion
that can be opposites of the same coin - and so they and us can be seen as paradoxical or hippocritical.
but expressing this in terms of my own application of this thought is that
I know my thing that I have been talking about here is responsibility or self responsibility -
but maybe i have been taking that to the extreme and haven't been compassionate with myself
or others as 'we all are just people' , I might have been applying some freakishly differently standard for
anyoneo to live up to including myself and that has been my hipocrasy maybe - and now I know I can't be some magical super hero - to conquer or expect anyone to be - to
deliver the miracle needed in life to save the day always. We can take care of the responsibility
that we have the power to effect with all reasonability and humanity considered.
I felt so much comforted by this today - and for some reason - at long last I am seeing
and understanding people - and not looking at them - as impossibly perfect and above me.
An outsider looking in like - I just didn't fit in with other humans -
I am not going to extremes now - I see that we're each dealing with that challenge of taking
care of the responsibility in front of us -
of looking at how myself or each of us are each behaving and handling a job in front of us in a way
that is within a compass of behavior that we feel ok about.
My answer is letting my spirit flow outward and not just repressing myself for
the point of being perfect perfect which doesn't existanyways
Replies
It sounds like you're having a good day sweetie
That's nice to read!!
thanks Janet!!
WORK LIFE - PART2
I'm definitely wanting my life to be about building something that is bigger and that is mine (at times I get impatient for it).
yet there's a sense of grace here that is supportive of awareness within myself and others - it's helped me mature
and deal with group living dynamics and seeing much more dimension and commonality/humanity in life all around - I know we each here have a complicated relationship with grace - there's a need we each have - to follow rules - to be as sublimely graceful and reassured in our safety and work performance and life in general that we come here to focus on God and spirituality - they're very quick to anxiety here and very quick to panic and hurt, I try to mitigate that for them - and help them to deal with all that - Again I want a job that is good for me and my future -and in the meantime of getting on with the work I have here I just take it all one step at a time which, stay in the moment - which numbs me to the aspect of my greater desire I have to have a personal life, but I won't couch it in such a negative lens. I know at times my mind flubbers big time in the face of being extemporaneous or having stress -- I fall apart and must sound like a blithering idiot - though I do good work and have a 'can do' positive attitude -and so it partly makes me think that this is the ideal life for me, my disability and talents - 'stuff' in me is tolerated and accepted here - perhaps though too I think too much or give to much weight to - that - my occasional mistakes in the world out there and here, thinking that they disqualify me from ever finding work that is good for me in the outside world - anyways in the face of that, though there are still my desires for a greater life - - I am left with and must be consoled and grateful for the life that works for who I actually am. To risk, to not risk- I am grateful for right now
maybe every life is textured by unrequited desires and goals - that there's some satisfaction with what each of us has achieved
and yet regrets too- to be mixed about it maybe is somewhat not uncommon.
I think that you're doing great work at the monestary sweetie but it is outside of what most of us live
It's certainly understandable that there are things that you miss....a paycheck for one
Hopefully a parttime job will open up for you soon and you can see how you manage
So much of your time is taken up it might be a challenge but a challenge worth taking
I think most of us have 'if only' dreams sometimes sweetie
You'll just have to decide what might be a dream compared to what is a goal
Big hug...xo
Thanks Janet, that’s beautiful and SO APPRECIATED!!