Learning Lessons

I was out of town all weekend at a dance conference with my daughter. It was a little overwhelming but definitely inspiring. I met some famous choreographers and one of them was Mia Michaels from “So You Think You Can Dance”. She taught a dance to the hundreds of kids there but what she said was soooooo important. She encouraged them to be themselves and to find their individuality. She was a very inspiring speaker. It was almost as if when she said what she had to say you felt okay just to be you and that being you is exactly what you should be. She gave off such an air of contentment and seemed so light and pure. It’s hard to explain but she just exudes okayness (not a word, I know). There was another important lesson I learned at this conference, inadvertently. Since we went with members of our studio and their moms we spent a lot of time together. I have known these dance Moms for a while but not really at such an intimate level. Well one Mom had something to say about the way I was parenting my child and I took total offence to it (as most mothers would). I got really upset. I have given so much to my children and she had me questioning whether I was giving too much. Now I am not saying that I am the perfect mother nor that I make all the right choices when it comes to parenting. I am also not a person who simply gets defensive. I look to see if there is any truth in what people have to say. So I went up to my hotel room alone, shed a few tears and then something came to me and it was this. I do not have to defend myself. I know my child better than anyone else. They see what she seems to be on the outside I see who I know she is on the inside, and her inside is more important to me because that is where her true self lies. I have had to parent her for 13 years BY MYSELF. When I tell women who are married I am doing this alone they always come back with “well my husband isn’t there much anyway so I am in the same boat”. This, to me, makes what I have done insignificant. Until you have walked a mile in someone’s shoes you can only imagine what it is like. My daughter is a good kid and because she is a good kid I have to think I had something to do with that. I like the way I parent because it is the one thing I think I am really good at and have confidence in and I’m not going to let someone else take that away from me. So what I learned was if I put together the message from Mia Michaels and the lesson I saw for myself that I don’t have to apologize or explain or defend my actions because they are mine. I will either learn a good or bad lesson from the consequences of my actions but I will always be learning and I will be free to rely on and depend on myself. People can have opinions and that’s okay but just because they’re opinion doesn’t mesh with mine doesn’t mean that I am the one in the wrong and the one who has to change my ways. Their opinions will be just that, opinions...not accusations, suggestions or criticisms but something to think about not rely upon. This is important for me. I have spent a lifetime bending myself into uncomfortable positions trying to please other people and I’m not doing it anymore. A good way to learn who I am is to be me. If I don’t back myself up then who will?