Learning from Arfie, while trying to go to sleep

I settled down to bed tonight but as usual I had difficulty....feeling restless and disconnected from sleep..

I thought I would 'get away' with not doing the usual routine.

Was just kind of lazy and nihilistic about things.

I was obsessing, and I felt I had to control myself..

I thought about contacting my therapist to leave a voicemail..

and in the process of just laying there, I knew since people

have challenges all over (in our cases the elements of challenges are amplified to an extreme)

that she probably has challenges and feels the mix of life just as everybody else..

I wondered if she were laying down to sleep..what would she be thinking about and feeling?

My mind kept obsessing and I felt the impulse to control myself...

but then I thought..what god does god want? I guess somehow I came to the idea

that maybe god is trying to teach me something here!! And so I let myself just let go, and am being lead down the road

of mentalizations to figure out what to do with my struggle rather than feel that the rectitude

of things under the umbrella of self control. "Let God lead the dance!" as Arfie said!! Or "Let go and let god"

So I am realizing that I definitely have and obsessive side, and I need to just deal

with going to sleep somehow and that's the question set before me.

I wanted to write this before actually falling asleep.

Letting go and letting god lead the dance! Thanks Arfie! 

Good night friends!