Learning
I was bemoaning inside about my relationship with my brother.
I’ve told him I love him and miss him on a number of occasions over text and he is radio silent.
I thought and remembered what a therapist said to me in response to something like that. He said ‘What, do you want to have a relationship with yourself?!’ It came back to me today and I realized if I have a relationship with my brother I have to expect what that means. There are sacrifices. Not just for me, since I get my space too.
I’ve realized I can’t have relationships in my life on my terms only. It’s a mixture of two people!
And I have to recognize the good in life for me but also
Knowing what is the mix of two individuals
Replies
Not everyone is comfortable with emotions
Dan is like that.....Emotion shuts him down
Big hug sweetie...xo
Thanks Jan
Sometimes I just don't know what to say, sadly I've made the mistake of silence.
Now if I choose to reach out, I do so with no expectations.
My feelings are my own to sort.
Hugs
Mark, I think you’re seeing something very important here. A relationship is never one person’s rhythm. It’s two people learning how to walk together, even if their steps are different. Your brother may not respond the way you hope, but silence doesn’t always mean rejection. Sometimes people need time, space, or their own way of processing things. What matters is that your heart stayed open, you expressed your love honestly, and you’re learning what it means to hold room for another person’s way of being. That’s wisdom. and it takes humility to reach that understanding. You’re growing, Mark one insight at a time....hugs
Thanks Bob!!
I agree that we all come to relationships with our own histories, limitations, fears, and capabilities. It's true that we have to accept that the other person won't respond (or love) exactly the way that we do. To have a relationship with your brother, you'll have to engage with who he is, not who you wish he'd be.
That said, relationships are based on communication. Expressing needs in a respectful way is part of that. It's not wrong to want reciprocity or for your brother to meet you halfway. To be sustainable, relationships require a mix of both people - your needs and his needs. It's OK to say, "When you don't return my 'I love you and miss you,' I feel _____." By saying this, you're not demanding that he respond in a certain way. You'd be letting him know how much it matters to you what he thinks and feels. He can then decide what he is capable of providing to you.
Hugs.