Learning
Learning. I sent this to my therapist:
The nuns are so crazy sometimes. Again very much like an episode of Portlandia. They’re very reactive to anything that makes waves or is a point of connection or conflict. There’s a reason they are here. They are very meek. This life works for them but in some cases their ways makes life unlivable …sometimes…, their need and in some cases their total lack of regard for others and harshness because of their meekness.
I have found myself enjoying aspects of life here. I know I’ve said that and yet the more I grow the more I see how things get and I’m learning in some ways it’s part of life in a diverse community (that you can’t leave because you live together too. ) It can get very passive aggressive here
and also reactive if you suggest something outside of the routine. Like to suggest an idea that might help or another suggestion. Folks are very protective of their roles and yet very quick to tell you how to do things. I guess I’m learning how to handle this kind of group and getting along with others. I’m going to continue looking for work and perhaps the monastery is strengthening my own resources for coping with group dynamics. OMG it was funny. During food prep we had a lot of people helping out so I asked the lead
If I could get on another task so as to get it done early. She said ‘that’s fine.’ So I thought cool…I got to work…then 5 minutes later the big tough nun came to me, after talking to the lead apparently and gruffly said ‘this not time do this, go and help with prep’. So I did, the gal who said yes was
avoiding me after that LOL. It was no big deal either way , but it reminded me of a tv show.
I have found myself enjoying aspects of life here. I know I’ve said that and yet the more I grow the more I see how things get and I’m learning in some ways it’s part of life in a diverse community (that you can’t leave because you live together too. ) It can get very passive aggressive here
and also reactive if you suggest something outside of the routine. Like to suggest an idea that might help or another suggestion. Folks are very protective of their roles and yet very quick to tell you how to do things. I guess I’m learning how to handle this kind of group and getting along with others. I’m going to continue looking for work and perhaps the monastery is strengthening my own resources for coping with group dynamics. OMG it was funny. During food prep we had a lot of people helping out so I asked the lead
If I could get on another task so as to get it done early. She said ‘that’s fine.’ So I thought cool…I got to work…then 5 minutes later the big tough nun came to me, after talking to the lead apparently and gruffly said ‘this not time do this, go and help with prep’. So I did, the gal who said yes was
avoiding me after that LOL. It was no big deal either way , but it reminded me of a tv show.
I want to emphasize that I am learning about life here and about how I react to things and how that has led me to live here too
But it is funny and weird
And I’m growing.
learning to accept and deal with everyone’s unique personalities
Most of the time it has nothing to do w something you did or said it’s just who people are and what they're dealing with
and as my therapist has said 'how they are in the world.'
Replies
I find passive/aggressive very difficult as well
I always think it's better to discuss a problem if one exists
The nun was a tattle tale...lol
I think you are really growing before our eyes Marky with you willingness to stick out the uncomfortable or upsetting times
And take time to think about those times and break down what has gone on with kindness and generousity for all concerned
I think you rock!!
Thanks Janet!! You rock!!!
it be a crazy world we live in. a person who is not experiencing bouts of craziness is probably lying to themselves.
i quite agree with jan that you are growing before our very eyes. i have felt like i am watching a flower bloom.
thanks arfie! your words are so beautiful and i am so grateful!
Good perspectives and growth Markus.
I keep reflecting on values and morals in this really corrupt time we are in, and how reactionary many people have been in these times. Some always were, like the nuns, but more are now in this wickedly divisive time.
Good fodder for the journal I will write next
Thanks Nikki!