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a good night's rest is solid gold.  so good, so thankful. 

my insurance company says they will approve the mri's, and whatever is needed next......epidurals or whatever is recommended by the doctor.  they insist that they will, that they want me to feel better as soon as possible.  so.......i go back to resurgens and let them know.  this should result in them sending in a doctors request and then from there i can hopefully move ahead.  ......and not idly wait  another six weeks........PTL.  afraid to think i'm celebrating too soon......but i am definitely hopeful!

in the meanwhile a staffer named Brandy says that the prednisone will not interfere with any tests or epidurals i may have in the next by and by.  i still don't want to take the prednisone, once bitten twice shy.  been bitten hard, feels like a risk not a solution.  praying about this........

on the other medicine hand, i asked for confirmation about how much tizanidine to take.  no written orders were provided by the doctor as promised.......Brandy tells me that I need to bring a notebook to appointments & take notes.  I said that's a great idea and may I suggest that when someone promises directions for medicine that it be provided as promised in writing?  I want them to try harder as well.......

So when Brandy is telling me that Ruthann says I can take 3 doses daily, each tab is 2 mg and that I can up it to three times daily......I flash on the appointment and remember the PA-C saying you can take 2 tablets four times daily. It's coming in as a very clear memory.  I think that when she said one pill three times daily it set off a distinct memory that she started off with four times daily....and i further remember thinking with meals and again at bedtime.  which is soooo how i think, i always try to give myself an example to lock info in.......so I share this with Brandy and she ignores what I say, she makes no comment at all. so i press the issue, I say there is a lot of difference between taking 6 miligrams of tizanidine and taking 16 mg of tizanidine to alleviate pain.  and again she says nothing.....at this point i now believe that because i have brain fog what i am sharing is not to be believed and to go a step further that she will not go to the PA a second time for clarification, it's now I'm wrong and that's the end of it.

good grief.......not good.  i told Brandy about the findings with the insurance, that they do not say I must wait six weeks and she says that she will get with the PA and things should start moving........but, and here's the butt.......I made a comment about what the PA said about "being special...."  And Brandy pounced on that phrase......I said wait a minute, let's discuss this.  The PA said that insurance companies always say no to immediate testing, they make everyone wait until they go through either PT or at home exercise for a period of six weeks.  That no one is special, that she has heard from every patient that their case should be recognised, dealt with differently, but to trust her insurance treats no one like that, that no one is special. 

i did not mean to convey in ANY WAY that the PA was ridiculing me or that she was say that I ruth expect special treatment ......what I do expect is that this practice does waht it takes to help me along with my health issues asap.  and then Brandy made another interesting remark, something about how the  PA never said anything about my having epidurals.......hmmm,why was that so important?  is that not ok to suggest a possible form of treatment, or is it odd for me to think that this is what they would probably do since that is what they have been doing to treat me for many many years?  felt like i was now in a semantics minefield needing to defend everything i say.

what the hell.........so exhausting.  they had me complete no new paperwork and yet they said that they had to treat me as though i am a brand new patient.  another thing that is very confusing........are they going to help me or are they treating me as though i am not reliable/believable?  treating me with kid gloves, humoring me in some professionally odd way....???   truly not trying to sound crazy, but i think about this and it gives me serious pause.

.......ok, i left a message with Rachel at Resurgens.  she is the practice manager......it's a fine line to walk between asking questions and not ticking people off........need to be calm, cool and collected.  praying about this.......

so, today the kids want to meet for dinner at the mall, in the food court.......ugh.  sigh.  i asked sam if we could meet a few minutes earlier so he can pick me up and drop me at the door......he said he'd be happy to serve as my valet......he's such a good son, a good human being!  i already sent derian his present.......he got it on saturday, an old school nintendo game, hope it's fun as i am completely clueless about all things gaming......i'm old school shooting pool or bowling....skating, basketball........biking, but not games, not even pinball to be completely honest.......i'd rather read a book every time than play with machines.  guess that makes me a word girl.....?!

the sky is overcast but i can see patches of blue through the pines........hear the birds singing.  feel so much calmer today, that appointment made me so anxious and then crying all the way home didn't help at all........just call me ol' leaky face.  i hold so much in because it doesn't do me any good to cry........but when i wait and imagine that help is almost here, that the cavalry is coming and my hopes are dashed it gets to me.  it feels like another kind of assault......i wonder if i entered the building with blood coming out of my ears and my hair on fire if they would say come back in six weeks, here's a handout to wash your face and comb your hair until then.  the world doesn't always make sense to me........i think they should be more with it, pushier in care of the patient.  but what do I know????????????????  am i just naive?

the sun just popped out and it looks like a very pretty day......ahhhhhh!  take it in, appreciate it!  i did some chores......vacuumed again, can't figure out what i am doing to track stuff onto the carpet since i wear slippers and rarely even venture into the garage let alone the out of doors........but apparently i am a messy bugger.......

so i got busy and did stuff in my nest.....feels nice, much more relaxed in my being.........bills are paid, paperwork is sorted....dishes done......trash cans emptied.......that sort of thing.  i would like to work on my neck pillows project but if i do will that cost me going to dinner with the kids?  yes, so be cool lady!!!!!!!

yes i would prefer going to a regular restaurant, this feels so cafeteria style and loud.......not so condusive to a party gathering ..... i'm getting old?  about this definitely.....i get that each person can get what they want......but it's so casual and again the noise in the food court is so L O U D........

shoot, the image won't show up......tried to copy & paste a photo of the food court, but it won't work. bummer......

they streamlined the area with modern furnishings, to me it looks kind of cheap but nobody asked me......so i should probably hush.....they still have the carousel for the kids, its' a very pretty carousel too......

mia got into .....or at least tried really hard to get into my new plant baby.  i put a newly rooted plant into a tiny......cup sized planter and she got on the edge of the desk and batted at that tiny plant on the bookshelf enough to leave a dirt trail all over the place, the desk, the shelves, the floor, the kitchen table, but thankfully that plant baby is ok.  i moved it beyond her reach.......she doesn't touch some plants at all........what is it that drives her to be so naughty and curious?  lol, i have that same drive........curious and sometimes naughty so why should she be any different?

wish i were healthy enough to swim.........i loooooooooooove to swim.  the water feels like silk to me, love to float and kick and play in the water............dream big and you'll get there again!

that's the plan.  hugs, happy wishes and three yellow balloons flying your way......!