lost
I feel I will never find me, I am lost , My Giz took the best of me with him, where am I ? So quick with a smile, a helping hand..with a kind word, who loves working with the elderly, being around them holding their hand, being drawn into their memories becoming their daughter their friend their mom , whoever their memory would call out for I became what they needed,, I was actually a piano teacher once ( not) but thats what that woman needed and she was 100 years old how could I not give her that ? Why Cant I do that for myself ? Where am I ,I realize reading this I know the answer, I become what and who people want me to be and have done what would make everyone else happy that I forgot me and now I lost what I loved most my Giz and can never be his mom again, touch , kiss, hold him, why cant I get what I want and need , I want my giz and I want to reclaim me I have lost Giz and myself
Replies
Dear Bonnie, I am so sorry that you are going through this!! Please hold on!I do feel alot of the lost feelings too! I talk to my Serina where our alone places were and think I\'m going crazy! I just want to go back in a time machine! I know where I went wrong in my life. I do know that we need to try and take control and ask ourselves \"what can we do to make things better, now.\" You remember that your baby loved you unconditionally! He loves you now in heaven.I believe that you need to listen to your heart and do what it is telling you. What would really make \"you\" happier to do now? I am in the process of asking myself that.I know that I am definitely not the same person I was when my baby girl was with me. My sister saw recent photo\'s of me(she hasn\'t seen me in 2 years) and said she is worried that I don\'t \"look well\" I hope this is at least a beginning for you.Please let me know what you think. I\'m here, sending hope and Many Hugs!!! Love, Laurie
I read your journal, and it does bring tears to my eyes. I am sorry for your loss, but maybe you can smile through the tears of sorrow about all the wonderful happy times you shared with Gizzie. You know you will be rewarded in heaven when you reunite with Gizzie. I am happy that you have such strong feelings about your baby, and that is to know true love. May God reach down and replace some of those tears with reminders of what a wonderful owner Gizzie had.