knock knock knockin' on heaven's door

so I was sitting here thinking about... well...just everything...

I was trying to find comfort from the tv and I couldn't find it.

I couldn't find the comfort and so I turned it off - :) - I better start

thinking about what I would actually like to do.. creating something

for sure.. first stop - the journal... I think this is 'metacognition' (a new word for me! but a good one!)

I think I have worried so much about being perfect about things that at times I treated myself like

a robot.. and in a sense that helped me get through the day...but not ok... - but what I really think

now is that there may be ideals to fulfill and yet we also need to be self motivated

like I had to do at the office today. I had to think over and over "What should I do - what would

I do if this were my personal business?" It kind of got me a little selfish ....at least trying real hard

to break free of the notion of just being a servant and fulfilling my tasks and role there - and really think

for myself what would I do if this were mine ?.... It's interesting, I thought, how some seem to be able to be self motivating and managing in their world (independent) entrepeneurs...and yet I tried to grasp hold of that kind of spirit within me... 

It came to me - and a great appreciation for those with much talent.

It also connected me to the surface emotions I was experiencing - those moments of disconnection

that can have me dip deep and dark. 

Things are getting better...