knitting thoughts, pearling too :)

I've got my mind in a bunch but it's all good I guess.

I went to work this morning - and "knocked myself" over my seeming misbehavior at my parents' house last night.

My fear of rejection and upsetting them.

In retrospect I know it wasn't really misbehavior - I just was very wired and I couldn't seem to relax.

My parents were lovely and yet after I left there, slowly my mind went from recognizing the positives to 

grinding away at the negative assumptions. Perhaps I just couldn't process 'on the fly' all the dynamics of

the visit. Is this some warped sense of self affirmation when alone?

I seem to 'knit and let go' of thoughts and affirmations as I go along in the day - and there's an intensity to it...

I think this is some sense of self when alone....

I am trying to let go of that kind of stuff --at least in the unconsciousness of it.

While I was at work, I kind of 'undid' myself and felt perhaps I was not humble enough.. I beat myself up a bit...So it's too late now, I'm just

hanging loose now and relaxing and just in touch with my status quo and fear of pride.

Maybe on a level I am also struggling with accepting my place in life, though and all said and done, I don't really think I need to grind away at intensity to motivate myself or

to make an assessment of who I am, and what I am doing. It can be a lighthearted contemplation - putting the 

dislike or dismay aside and intent to keep moving ahead.

Things will be good again!