kind of sad

I changed my way of thinking to just feel like i am doing the right thing so far, sure i feel like a loser and a outcast but i guess i am one. I feel that when i drink i worry a lot less about ugly i am and who i am so i find peace in that and im ok with it. Someone always tells me that i am too hard on myself and i am sick of hearing that all the time because its not true, im way too easy on myself i dont ever give myself credit and am always over spoken by others. I will change how i live from now on. god can be there one day and gone the next second but he is still there but i am loosing faith more and more every day because i just dont see the path that he set up for me and that is a scary thing to do right now in my eyes. I will just take it easy and let the things come to me in my life and i will regret it if i have to and not worry about it. I may not have long to live but whatever, ill go when its time to go, not gona try to end my life because i will always fail at it. Still gona get a gun though so i can have one more hobby going for me.