kind of frightened.. another day, another struggle
I went to work today. I felt strengthened by what I wrote in my last journal. I feel like I have a boundary issue -
and I will again and again seek out ways to placate that desire in me to achieve that sense of recognition I need over and over again.
I need to break out of it and make something. It's a habit now, I have seen, and it's time to capitolize on that issue...There's something there telling me what I want, I need to just listen to that! :)
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I kind of realize I take things to extreme.... Have been keeping busy here, washed the car, swept the back porch, ate dinner and made a few emails and messages...the mind winds up a little as if in "a flow"..and such ..and I seem to need to take a step back and find my step/self...and breaths.
I am writing this because it helps me process and feel at ease (when I can feel at ease.)
I am seeing that a lot of my internal imbalance and upset comes from my mind going to a place of real discomfort. I am really glad that I can continue my work, though I am uncomfortable - I realize it's real important to take care of life even still.. I am looking forward to talking to my psychiatrist about this...I realize I use some internal and also external modalities to cope...I feel like the battle is being won...and I feel like even though I have this disorder I still have choice to do what I need to do, and also maybe can find something I want to do. I'd like to offer my community something.