Kick my butt

I wish I could kick my own butt... I fluctuate so much during the day, from I feel great and there is no way that I have an ED.  Then, while I c/s or pick out clumps of hair from the drain I yell at myself and say "hello, do you think you have a problem yet"?  Or when I can't hold my size 0 jeans up as none of my belts fit either.  On the flip side it the few people that I have reached out to (PCP, counselor, one friend, holistic health practitioner) they have all downplayed my situation more than I have.  I also get people that still come up to me a the gym wanting my advice on how I leaned out and how they can too (no, I don't tell them the truth-c/s).  I end up struting myself out the door thinking how awesome I must be and how much I love the way I look (which I do). Again, next scene.  My daughter is spending the night with my parents tonight and what do I have planned?  A great night of c/s'ing.  I have planned to go to a restaurant for dinner and order a salad (already figured out calories and burned them through exercise today) and then I will get a few items to go so I can bring them home and c/s.  I also bought "special snacks" at the store just to c/s.  I have a movie picked out and will end up c/s until my jaw is killing me.  WAKE UP, this is not normal!  I know this but I will do it anyway.... 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

When will you stop though hon? When will it be enough? How much hair loss...Have you told your PCP, and counselor the truth, that you are c/s ing mass amounts of food? That your hair is falling out? I\'ll kick your butt for you! You need help and soon...b.c that little girl needs you and this mental disease KILLS!! My friend died last year from it..she kissed her kids goodnight and went to sleep and never woke up....and that was it. She thought it was ok, she thought she had time, so you can keep making excuses but just keep that in mind. You may look healthy but you have no idea the damage you may be doing to you internal organs. Please, Please, Please...if they team you have won\'t listen find another...and if that team wont..keep looking..shout it from the roof tops...tell them the truth...you can\'t be happy in this routine. Please wake up and get the help you need for you and your daughter.b.c one of these days you may not get to wake up.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I saw that Jess commented on this, so I read it, and... I don\'t know you, at all, don\'t know what your situation is except for what I read in this journal, so don\'t be offended if I\'m completely off base.

From what I\'m reading you already know this is a problem. The fact that you came on DS means you know that you have a problem. And you do have a problem. You are very ill. Your hair is falling out because your body can barely make your organs function, let alone supply new nutrients for hair. C/s, well, you can say that it\'s not as bad as b/p, but that\'s not true. They are both horrible for your body. You need to get help, and be honest with your team, \'cause if you\'re not, they can\'t help you.
If you can\'t get help for you, get help for your daughter. Don\'t you think she wants you at her wedding? When your first grandchild is born? Even for just being there to take pictures when she goes on her first date, or before she leaves for prom? Losing you would break her heart.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don\'t wnat my opinions to be public... I\'m going to pm you