Kick my butt

I wish I could kick my own butt... I fluctuate so much during the day, from I feel great and there is no way that I have an ED.  Then, while I c/s or pick out clumps of hair from the drain I yell at myself and say "hello, do you think you have a problem yet"?  Or when I can't hold my size 0 jeans up as none of my belts fit either.  On the flip side it the few people that I have reached out to (PCP, counselor, one friend, holistic health practitioner) they have all downplayed my situation more than I have.  I also get people that still come up to me a the gym wanting my advice on how I leaned out and how they can too (no, I don't tell them the truth-c/s).  I end up struting myself out the door thinking how awesome I must be and how much I love the way I look (which I do). Again, next scene.  My daughter is spending the night with my parents tonight and what do I have planned?  A great night of c/s'ing.  I have planned to go to a restaurant for dinner and order a salad (already figured out calories and burned them through exercise today) and then I will get a few items to go so I can bring them home and c/s.  I also bought "special snacks" at the store just to c/s.  I have a movie picked out and will end up c/s until my jaw is killing me.  WAKE UP, this is not normal!  I know this but I will do it anyway....