Key of Gee

I find myself calling my "Guit-Chi" by acronym. GCT. Guit-Chi Therapy. I seldom speak of my guit-chi aloud, so it is highly probable that I havenae ever called it by acronym in real-time conversation, but the virtual conversations in my head give me ample opportunity to develop yet another bizarre turn of phrase. Like I'm not hard enough to understand, already. . . Excuse me while I take a GCT break. Therapy tools needed.

By whatever name or acronym, I seem to have noticed that my therapy songs run in specific keys. The songs which got me through the early grieving for my son and his wife were in the Key of C. Recently, they have shifted to the Key of G. Linda Perry's "What's Up?" and Leonard Cohen's "Tower of Song" are the most recent add-ons, with blasts from the past popping up consistently.

Perhaps the most significant blast from the past is the still heavily guarded and monitored flashback of being cast as, "Shirley Temple in a G-string." Child pornography of the late 50's, early 60's. I was still in active therapy when my light phobia reached psychotic break levels. Over the course of that therapy, I came to trust that electric lights were triggering flashbacks to child pornography sets. The therapy focus was on managing the flashbacks more than exploring the gory details. Don't repress the memories, but be aware of self-gaslighting and false memories. It remains a tough balance to achieve, much less maintain. The impossibility of either confirmation or denial makes me especially vulnerable to self-gaslighting and false memories.

Sorting. . . Processing. . .

This morning I leave the mood icon squarely on "Okay." Gee. . . ^It^ is what ^it^ is, whether I understand or knot.