Ken bites (I really wanna say s----!)
Ken can be a real doo-doo head! So I'm reading journals and crying & he starts being a jerk and saying how he "is tired of seeing me cry." Well then buddy move out coz that ain't likely to change. What an idiot!
Anyway, that's all. It'll be ok or it won't but if I need to cry in my own home I will.
Thank you for listening. have a good & peaceful night.
Love and peace to all.
xoxo
Anyway, that's all. It'll be ok or it won't but if I need to cry in my own home I will.
Thank you for listening. have a good & peaceful night.
Love and peace to all.
xoxo
Replies
Oh, such a scene! He must just be responding with his own frustration. Men like to fix things for us, they need to be \"our heroes\". I always try to remember to tell mine what a good husband he is. Now this isn\'t really the truth, he doesn\'t take care of our house at all, but he does take good care of me. He needs recognition all the time it seems. Linda, be generous with him. Abby
Oh Linda...maybe he is hormonal...but whatever it is...hugs to you...love you...Karen
I agree....\"men\"stral.......they just hide when they cry...or stifle the tears which is not good at all. I know your frustrations...but you go ahead ,,,as Leslie Gore says...\"Cry if I want to...\" We are here for you with shoulders and tissues, dear friend. Ed and Brandon are loving their moms from heaven.....TLC...dale, brandon\'s mom
Like Abby said, men are \"fixers\" and \"hunters\".. their brains are wired WAY differently than ours.. even when they are in pain...
Hugs MaryLou
Ditto everything said above. Men are just hardwired differently.
I try to cry only when I\'m alone, although Rick does seem to be getting more comfortable with just quietly hugging me when he happens to be around. It is frustrating for men not to be able to \"fix\" it ~ Rick still occasionally brings up his deep down feelings that he somehow should have been there to \"fix\" Corrie getting run down by an SUV. That he failed, though we were 3000 miles away and Corrie was an adult, making her own decisions (to work at the camp and be out with counselor friends that night).
I hope you and Ken patch it up quickly. Please vent any time ~ we\'re always here!
Sending much love to you and Ed ~ Debbie
I so agree - we should be able to cry in our own homes. Joe gets upset when he sees me crying - he wants to fix it. I am not broken - just leaky! But as you said, he better get used to it because I am not likely to change any time soon either!
Hugs from our sister in tears,
Marlene
women grief differant then men. Men hold everything inside them. they are goofy. IF YOU WANT TO CRY CRY LIKE YOU SAID AND I,AM WITH YOU \"IT,S YOUR HOUSE AND IF YOU WANT TO CRY CRY\" MY SELF IF A WOMEN IS CRYING OVER THEIR CHILD WHO IS GONE ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS PUT THEIR ARM AROUND YOU AND GIVE YOU A HUG, DON,T EVEN HAVE TO TALK JUST A LITTLE CONFORT. WOMEN MAKE TO MANY EXCUSES FOR MEN. A CHILD YES BUT AN ADULT MAN JUST GIVE A LITTLE CONFORT HOW HARD IS THAT. I DON,T KNOW LIKE I SAID MY HUSBAND IS A MAN OF FEW WORDS. IT GETS ON MY NERVES. SO I JUST TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND OR MY SISTER. SOMETIMES WE TALK. MAYBE YOUR HUSBAND WAS IN A BAD MOOD . I DON,T KNOW HOW TO FIGURE OUT WHAT MEN ARE THINKING. TO NUTTY. BLESS YOUR ANGEL EDDIE AND LOTS OF BIG HUGS WRAPPED AROUND YOU FROM ME AND LOVE MARY ANN .
He is in pain too but doesn\'t know how to handle his grief or your grief. Stand firm but be gentle with him. Maybe he is saying he just want you to be happy. Maybe work out an agreement where if you need to cry you go to a private special place and then talk to hima about it afterwards. It will be Ok. Love. Anne
Damn straight girl! The thing men don\'t get....I guess can\'t get....is how cleansing a good cry can be for us. You know, if they\'d just learn to say, \"oh sweetie, I\'m sorry you\'re hurting, can I hold you for a while and cry with you?\"....THAT would be helpful! But telling us they\'re tired of seeing us cry all the time......BIG MISTAKE MISTER!
I know Roger means well, I know he doesn\'t want to see the tears or hear the screams because it hurts him to see me hurting. I know he wants to \"fix\" it. But what men can\'t seem to understand is not everything can be fixed....nor do we always need THEM to fix what can be fixed....crying is beneficial to the soul, just as laughter is.
Once the emotions are back under control I usually find myself explaining.....again....what I need and what I do not need from him (my husband). Always we end in a loving embrace with him telling me he\'s sorry and how much he loves me and yada, yada, yada. But it sure would be nice to not have to reteach him the same lessons over and over. Yea, men can be real doo-doo heads!
Men, LET US CRY WHEN WE NEED TO!!! If you can\'t handle it, go fishing!
Oh, Linda.... Those tears are going to come as they may and sometimes I wonder if men don\'t feel that our tears may be taking away \"our time and connection with them?\" Strange, I know yet something that I have noticed along the way.
I\'m sorry my friend as yes, your own home is your safe haven where you need to be able to let those tears flow and not feel worried about how they will be received.
Loving care dear one and today is a new day. Tears or no tears... It\'s all as it needs to BE.
With love,
Joanie
I think seeing you in grief threatens his defense mechanisms and the first response when that happens to anyone is anger/irritability. He may be pushing all of this away; it doesn\'t work, of course, for most. My ex is on a golf vacation having fun, fun, fun. Imagine THAT???? He did it LAST year six weeks after our daughter went to God! Six weeks! But that\'s who he is. And thank God I don\'t live with him. (He should thank God too LOLOL). There\'s only so much we can expect from others, based upon their personalities, emotional makeup, etc. Of course you have every right to cry in your own home. Maybe an agreement can be made: if the bedroom door is closed with you inside, it means it\'s your time for grieving and he needs to just leave it be. Just a suggestion.
jill
You tell him Linda! lol........but seriously, yes these tears are here to stay so he does need to learn to deal with it. Tell him you have these tears because you have love. Your unending love for Ed will always bring tears because you miss him so. But that love also brings smiles and joy to your heart with the memories you have. Love & hugs to you, Kim
Linda it sounds like my husband. He (my husband) is very insensitive at times. I try hard to ignore him (without him knowing I\'m ignoring him) and I write in my private book journal. I write pages and pages sometimes and just let all my emotions flow out onto the paper. It is a cathartic thing to do. I have at times mentioned his anger here, but it\'s in my private journals that get it all out.
There no excuse for insensitivity. You need to cry when you need to cry.
Linda I\'m hugging you tightly in my mind. Terry
Wow!! my hubby is soooooo different...when I sit here and cry at the computer,,,hubyy says nothing,, he knows why,, he lets me cry,,and if Daniel is here,, he just asks if I am ok and gives me a hug.....hmmmmm,,,how did I get such great men...one thing that I am lucky with,,,but so sorry Linda,,I guess you need to cry when he is not home...(((hugs))
Linda,
Grieving children is so intense. Society tries to keep us to a one year limit for grieving but how untrue that is. How tired were you? That can make a big difference. How different is Ken since the brain tumor? Maybe part of it is that. I hope this is just one of those times of misunderstanding.
With love,
Leda