Keeping mind busy...
I have received so many comments about being out on the road I felt relieved others cared. Thanks so much to those who commented. It means a lot to me.
I have been able to check on things, keep seeing others new journal entries and try to keep up on the new posts to the boards. Since last Wensday I've been trying to keep my mind busy so it doesn't revert back to thinking about things. I know I have a problem with over thinking about things. No matter what I did or what I tried to do I couldn't keep things with him okay. Not that it was my fault and I know this. I know it has to do with his lack of empathy, his not being satisfied I wasn't bending to his wishes and his wants instead of considering what was best for both parties. But it's so hard for me after being with him for 9 years and thinking this was it.
So as for keeping my mind busy I've read 2 of the 3 books of the 50 Shades of Grey books (erotic) to keep myself doing something besides nothing. My cousin also emailed me all the Harry Potter books, all the Sookie Stackhouse books, some misc books and a handful of Nicholas Sparks books. I got plenty to keep me busy. Today one of my half brothers was sworn in and is off to Marine boot camp. He'll be gone for 13 weeks. I am so proud of him and I know he can do it. Wish I could have gone into some sort of military line when I was younger. I think it would have helped make me a stronger person all around. I am so excited for him and can't wait for him to start this adventure. They shipped him to California. Afterwards my mom and I went to Panera Bread (I'd never ate there) and ate some really good broccoli and cheese soup with a salad. Afterwards we started driving back to Emporia, Ks about an 2 hour drive and stopped at my aunts place where she convinced us to go to the lake. We spent over 2 hours floating around and getting our tans on. I am a few more shades darker lol. I fell asleep for a little bit as it was nice and calm, someone near by on a pontoon boat was playing older rock and roll music.
It's amazing how you can have such crappy days and such good days. I hate most days it seems as tho I wake up with some sort of gut wrenching twist as reality comes back to me. I still have dreams of him with different scenarios, the last one was about me calling about some stuff that I still have there in the garage and him saying it's obvious I didn't want to work anything out. Just gets me worked up. Wish I could just be in the mindset he's an a-hole and it stay that way. Instead of going over the good times. It doesn't make up for all the bs stuff I went thru.
Anywho, enough venting. We will be doing a yardsale here at my mom's this upcoming weekend so I am going to be helping her out getting things gathered, posting some ads online and hoping we do really well. Crossing my fingers and am hoping you all are doing well.
I have been able to check on things, keep seeing others new journal entries and try to keep up on the new posts to the boards. Since last Wensday I've been trying to keep my mind busy so it doesn't revert back to thinking about things. I know I have a problem with over thinking about things. No matter what I did or what I tried to do I couldn't keep things with him okay. Not that it was my fault and I know this. I know it has to do with his lack of empathy, his not being satisfied I wasn't bending to his wishes and his wants instead of considering what was best for both parties. But it's so hard for me after being with him for 9 years and thinking this was it.
So as for keeping my mind busy I've read 2 of the 3 books of the 50 Shades of Grey books (erotic) to keep myself doing something besides nothing. My cousin also emailed me all the Harry Potter books, all the Sookie Stackhouse books, some misc books and a handful of Nicholas Sparks books. I got plenty to keep me busy. Today one of my half brothers was sworn in and is off to Marine boot camp. He'll be gone for 13 weeks. I am so proud of him and I know he can do it. Wish I could have gone into some sort of military line when I was younger. I think it would have helped make me a stronger person all around. I am so excited for him and can't wait for him to start this adventure. They shipped him to California. Afterwards my mom and I went to Panera Bread (I'd never ate there) and ate some really good broccoli and cheese soup with a salad. Afterwards we started driving back to Emporia, Ks about an 2 hour drive and stopped at my aunts place where she convinced us to go to the lake. We spent over 2 hours floating around and getting our tans on. I am a few more shades darker lol. I fell asleep for a little bit as it was nice and calm, someone near by on a pontoon boat was playing older rock and roll music.
It's amazing how you can have such crappy days and such good days. I hate most days it seems as tho I wake up with some sort of gut wrenching twist as reality comes back to me. I still have dreams of him with different scenarios, the last one was about me calling about some stuff that I still have there in the garage and him saying it's obvious I didn't want to work anything out. Just gets me worked up. Wish I could just be in the mindset he's an a-hole and it stay that way. Instead of going over the good times. It doesn't make up for all the bs stuff I went thru.
Anywho, enough venting. We will be doing a yardsale here at my mom's this upcoming weekend so I am going to be helping her out getting things gathered, posting some ads online and hoping we do really well. Crossing my fingers and am hoping you all are doing well.
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