Keeping calm and carrying on...
I left the house today with a kind of hurried nihilism. I felt detached and just so isolated and random. I don't know if many feel this way. Living in a group home whereas once I was a homeowner of 3 homes in part has made me feel without a sense of control and value to my life. I am weaker than I used to be, I am unclearer than I used to be. Now I am trying to keep at minding my own life so that I can keep a sense of deliberateness to it and not just be a victim of it. It's not easy and by certain circumstance, I think by my own effort in part, I am starting to see some reward to my efforts.
I go to a British pub regularly and meet the same people there. I have the same thing even, everytime I go (well nearly :). Today though, before I went there and while I had left the house, my lack of feeling valueable got me feeling like a "forgotten man." I wandered and killed time after arriving and then went there. I know it may sound like a very little thing and it might be - but it impacted me so. I went to this pub, sat down and watched the end of the Murray vs. Tsonga match, then talked with the bar-maid and a guy named Terry (who I see there very frequently). This made all the difference, I felt a part of things again. It was awesome.
I want a sense of my own life and this is giving it to me. I came home knowing I could come onto the site and 'chat' about it. That is a lifesaver! I guess I am feeling grateful about stuff. Happy and just not so random and a little bit empowered.
Thanks for reading.
I go to a British pub regularly and meet the same people there. I have the same thing even, everytime I go (well nearly :). Today though, before I went there and while I had left the house, my lack of feeling valueable got me feeling like a "forgotten man." I wandered and killed time after arriving and then went there. I know it may sound like a very little thing and it might be - but it impacted me so. I went to this pub, sat down and watched the end of the Murray vs. Tsonga match, then talked with the bar-maid and a guy named Terry (who I see there very frequently). This made all the difference, I felt a part of things again. It was awesome.
I want a sense of my own life and this is giving it to me. I came home knowing I could come onto the site and 'chat' about it. That is a lifesaver! I guess I am feeling grateful about stuff. Happy and just not so random and a little bit empowered.
Thanks for reading.
Replies
I am happy that you feel a part of things again! That\'s such an awesome feeling. I\'m working on this myself. After recently leaving my job and apartment to live with my mom I\'ve been feeling pretty down on myself (kind of ashamed to be living with mother again). But I\'ve been getting out so it\'s helping me some. I know where you are coming from!! Hugs
cool news Swordy! It\'s good that you want to stay occupied and engaged! It\'s good you feel healthy enough to do that - good news!
a big issue for me, I am realizing is that I do have the energy and desire to do something more with my life rather than just keep occupied, I would like to work at something. When I can\'t come to a decision or a understanding of what that might be I have the sometimes the misfortune of spiraling down - dissapointment and upset. But I realize NOW that that is just the energy and enthusiasm I have taking a detour being put to use, since I don\'t willfully put them to use. I can keep occupied at things I like, that\'s not a problem, it just is a matter of finding a way to gear this \'stuff\' in a direction that I want to go now, while not getting confused by overwhelming dissapointment.
I think that sometimes, when people have experienced mental illness, they start to believe that all of the feelings they have are because they are \'different\' from everyone else. It isn\'t true. The feelings you talk about are what everyone feels - they are just turned up a bit. They aren\'t abnormal, except perhaps in their intensity.
I am sure it is a real blow to go from a multiple homeowner, to living in a group home...but a lot of Americans have recently gone through a huge adjustment in life lifestyle, and I am sure that many of them would say that they wonder who they are now. It is difficult to redefine yourself when circumstances change...but you are more than just the stuff you own...and more than your occupation.
I can tell that you are a wonderful person who has plenty to offer their friends and family, even from the little we chat on here. Stay positive, keep gently stretching your limits. It takes time to find the right solutions and life is all about experimenting.
thank you so much Marie. God Bless You.