keeping a focus when not at work

I went and saw the therapist yesterday. It seemed kind of nice

when there. However, the consequences of the meeting when I went to work

this morning seemed an overwhelming relationship with my feelings and a dislike, honesty with myself, with

my job. But I pulled myself together and kept the focus on work - doing the job

the best I could and that in of itself was a satifying and rewarding thing.

I felt further motivated to, while working, to think about looking for other work. I kind of noticed

how others input - when working - sometimes nice - sometimes not nice - it's all part of it - the mix- and I need

to keep going - keep in my lane - doing the best job I can - and taking reward and strength from my

ability to keep on keeping on. Taking heart from the good things.

Now that I am at home, I have the TV on - I ate a meal and my focus is going all wonky

and I am getting slovenly. I think I need to take a walk in a little while. Keeping a focus when

outside of work - just in suggestion to myself - I am thinking..trying it out - may be a way for me to achieve goals and not just be

a seat warmer, couch potato. I told my therapist yesterday that I want to help out with the local 

Mountain Trust. They plant and replant wildlife areas with correct local species..It seems like it will

fun - so I will inquire again and go for it. I don't have a lot organized for my week. I don't have much

to look forward to. I kind of want to just withdraw - but that maybe is why I think I ought to keep a focus.

Like maybe I will go to the Buddhist center for a lunchtime meditation session. Yoga. Mountain Trust.

Walking around the hood. I don't know. I need to find my center and purpose when not at work. 

I do the chores around the house - and the routine of tv shows in the early evening when I get ready for bed.

It's a 'catch 22'- when I think too much about my feelings I don't want to do anything - to be viable in life

I must "muscle on" and do what I need to do. So it's like I can take heart from doing what I need to do - and when

I do have activities outside of work - I tend to like those and feel rewarded by them as well. To get going is just a hurdle...If I don't kick

my butt a bit to 'get out the door' I might just ooze into my seat here on the gray couch. So it's all just a mix.

Maybe I can do some drawing... that's a good thought!!