keep pushing
So even though I didn't fall asleep until 3 a.m. (it's hard to go to sleep without my fiance around), I got up at 11:30 and stayed up! While I'm not sure where the morning went, I did make it to therapy today. My therapist helped me look at a dream that I had the other night that made me feel lost and frustrated...It turns out it may have been more positive than I thought.
In the dream, I was lost in China and couldn't speak the language. I had a pair of boots, but someone took them, so I had to wander the streets in my socks. Anyway, I kept searching and having little luck because I couldn't understand anyone and they couldn't understand me. I felt lost, alone and frustrated. At the end of the dream, I was walking up these stairs in a building and when I made it to the roof, it was sunny and I thought I saw the beach and my fiance walking across the way. (I'm skipping a lot of the details here.) My therapist helped me to see that this dark period of depression I've been going through may have been like being lost in a country where I don't speak the language. Without shoes. LOL. But somehow, I would find clues and people to help me along the way...even when I didn't have the right tools. And eventually, there was some sunlight. She thinks the dream may symbolize my psyche beginning to realize that I'm making it through this depression. God, I hope so!
After my appointment, I thought about going home to the empty dark apartment, where the hours would stretch before me, but instead, kept driving and took myself to the mall. I figured I could look for a pair of jeans to replace the ripped (and not in a fun/designery sort of way) ones I keep wearing and get some walking in. I managed to do both. And the time flew by. I even managed to make myself a simple dinner when I got home.
I feel silly saying it, but I'm proud of myself for continuing to get out of the house and do things so I won't backslide while my fiance is gone. Maybe I am pulling slowly out of this depression after all!
In the dream, I was lost in China and couldn't speak the language. I had a pair of boots, but someone took them, so I had to wander the streets in my socks. Anyway, I kept searching and having little luck because I couldn't understand anyone and they couldn't understand me. I felt lost, alone and frustrated. At the end of the dream, I was walking up these stairs in a building and when I made it to the roof, it was sunny and I thought I saw the beach and my fiance walking across the way. (I'm skipping a lot of the details here.) My therapist helped me to see that this dark period of depression I've been going through may have been like being lost in a country where I don't speak the language. Without shoes. LOL. But somehow, I would find clues and people to help me along the way...even when I didn't have the right tools. And eventually, there was some sunlight. She thinks the dream may symbolize my psyche beginning to realize that I'm making it through this depression. God, I hope so!
After my appointment, I thought about going home to the empty dark apartment, where the hours would stretch before me, but instead, kept driving and took myself to the mall. I figured I could look for a pair of jeans to replace the ripped (and not in a fun/designery sort of way) ones I keep wearing and get some walking in. I managed to do both. And the time flew by. I even managed to make myself a simple dinner when I got home.
I feel silly saying it, but I'm proud of myself for continuing to get out of the house and do things so I won't backslide while my fiance is gone. Maybe I am pulling slowly out of this depression after all!
Replies