keep on keeping on

I have been looking at Blue this morning, more closely than usual.

Blue is the best thing that's happened to me in my immediate significant

other perspective in years and years. That being said, I have indulged him

with food, whenever he wants it and regrettably, through no fault but my own,

he has gotten quite chunky. Perhaps it's a pavlov dog thing - he knows what works

with me to get him what he wants. But I also thought about, when I resist

giving him food - he wails and wails for me to feed him. Is my own convenience

at not enduring his cries winning out over his health and well being???

That's a pretty important point.

After writing the last journal. I was sitting at the end of my bed - thinking about

Blue again - thinking about my efforts in life - wondering why Blue has such a resistance

to play and anything that's not too complicated. He loves food and rubs from me

but has a hard time with other cat stuff like playing with toys, boxes or bags. He does none

of that. He likes sitting at the top of the stairs or lying in my chair or bed - and thankfully

he does scratch away at the scratch post in my room.

I just suppose this is his nature to a certain extent. And with that thought I wondered about

my own nature. I am sure my family looks at me befuddled...why doesn't he keep more active

and engaged in life? "We can't do it for him!" and so it's just a poignant thought. I avoid things

I used to do when I was more viable as a professional adult in my 30s - because it smacks

of going down a dangerous path. But I think being here with Blue right now - and seeing his limit

of imagination - and my own stifling of my life- is helping me go beyond this and get busy.

Keep on keeping on.