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malibumark
Mood:  Ok

Keep it up fuzz ball

I had an episode this morning, where I didn’t know or remember any of the things that I had previously thought about that would keep me steady. I felt at the whim of my passions, my emotions and crazy. This was before and during service. But then as I was doing service services, I thought ‘what is this religion about? ‘ It’s about understanding our craziness and trying to put a rational face on it. So that thought helped. I knew what people were about and the forces we all struggle with. I got into the day’s work. I feel at odds sometimes with the other Monastics. I have to remember, in a new way (as I’ve thought this before) that we are all not the same, in temperament and biology. We’re all serving up our own brand of crazy and also are not able to match each other in the places we can go mentally and emotionally. It’s helping me appreciate gestures of kindness so much more.


I thought about also how I get so tired here and I wonder if that has to do in part with the intense or the intensity of my exposure to this life every day. It’s very structured so I know what to do, so that should relieve me, but at the same time it’s very mind focused, very little body or enthusiasm based and just completely self submitting to the system. So I find my physical energy can be there sometimes but short lived and other times it’s not. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older. Perhaps a host of reasons. I’m doing ok now. So grateful.
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Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD

Trying to put a rational face on craziness makes sense to me

I try that as well...Sometimes it works and sometimes not so much...lol

I'm not surprised at all that you get tired sweetie

You have very, very long days that start at 415am and go on til 7pm 7 days a week most days
Even though you have a break in the middle you're stillavailable for whatever is needed

I'm glad that you're getting some evenings off sweetie

Big hug....xo
malibumark
malibumark

((((Hug)))))) thanks Jan! Love, Mark
arfie
arfie

try to understand my craziness? that effort was a ticket to lala land for me. these days i believe it takes a dysfunctional nut job to understand craziness. i'll leave that job to the royal we authorities, thank you kindly. i'm shooting for the serenity of accepting what god sends me at face value and relying on her to guide me through. i don't need to understand. i just need to trust. my craziness is what it is whether i understand it or not. when my crazy episodes happen, i need only ask god to guide me through and wait for psychosis to pass.

it's not mine to sort, but methinks those transient moments of dissatisfaction with your life were a standard part of your cycle long before you had monastery life to blame it on. so it seems to me from this anonymously safe social distance.

for what it's worth
seems to me that my kiddos have ebbs and flows to their energy, as well. alas, i don't think we outgrow that.
malibumark
malibumark

Thanks Arfie!