Keep going..

Yesterday was miserable for me. I felt terrible all day. Almost suicidal.  Today the sun is shining, and its the warm spring sun. I slept well and I feel much better.  I think the more days that go by that I dont talk to her or see her, the better I feel.  I wish I didnt need her for financial support, I could really cut down our interactions.   Hopefully this week I get a job. Yesterday I was thinking, what woman would want me?  Sure I think im decent looking, and ive lost almost all my extra weight with this divorce.  But, I am 37, have 2 kids, and no stable career or house.  Women at my age want security. They want stability.   Right now I have neither, and it could be 2 or 3 years before I have them. But today I think a lot about some things I do have.   1- Im emotionally honest.  Lots of men out there are shut off. They dont like emotional conflict, or talking about their emotions. I like to talk about it, get it in the open. I think lots of women like that in a man. 2- I love to laugh and make others laugh.  I can be a real screwball sometimes, and I think it gives me a certain amount of charm.  Women love a sense of humor. 3- I take care of myself. I cut my nails. I shower at least once a day. I take care of my teeth. I trim my beard and keep it colored.  I wear nice clothes now that ive lost weight.  Hygeine is very important to me. 4- I am dynamic.  Im not a guy who just goes to work, pays bills, and lives. I work hard when im working, but I also like to play.  I can act like a mans man watching football and playing softball etc..but I also read books, and like to have intelligent conversations.  I can write and I continue to go to school to educate myself. 5- Although im 36 (almost 37), I still have enourmos potential.   There is so much I can do yet. 6- I have a huge heart. I am loyal to a fault.  I am not capable of betrayal. Time to look at the classifieds and see about finding that job.