Keep calm,
Another night with fear and anxiety. Over the past year I have no idea how I managed to do so well in athletics despite dealing with so much. I think with the injury everything came to the surface and I had a compete mental collapse. The move has been rigourous. Today I went to use the tumble dryer at a service station. Cost me near £20 for half an hour of laundry. The joys. My old place is just down the street which had communal laundry. The manager refuses to let me use it even for a quick dry. Talk about helping out an ex resident. It's spiteful although they claim health and safety. Another couple of workers said they would let me use it but I have to time it right for when they are working. I will never walk several miles to that service station again. The hall, stairs landing and bathroom still have to be finished with painting. I was gonna attempt it before the rest of the floors are down but the floors are gonna cost a lot that I will have to leave it. Maybe a good idea with my back issues although it would of been a chance to make more mess and get away with it. For some reason the old inner critic with family is back. I feel like I need to apologise to them for being alive and having a decent place to live. Terribly sorry for ripping up the script. I just feel I have no fight left. The core of my existence has been fighting against their horrible behaviour and narratives. I'm tired of the fight against them. Hopefully I can settle myself and enjoy the simple things. Roxy is settling a bit better into the new place. She has more room to run around and the stairs should whip her into shape. I am still very protective of Roxy I cannot let her outside. It's a completely different dynamic than what I had with Ruby but I know the dangers of outside
Replies
Big hug sweetie
Depression is an illness and there's good treatment for it
I hope that you're getting help sweetie
The symptoms can seem brutal at times but they're treatable
Please don't lose site of that
My roomie has an indoor cat and he takes her out on the porch or yard on a harness and she loves it
It may take a couple of tries to get them used to it like a pooch on a leash but then they know it's a good thing
He sits out with her and she really enjoys it
Sometimes he holds her in his arms and walks her around the block so it's nice stimulation for her...xo
That's ridiculous the price you have to pay to dry clothes. I wouldn't go back there.
And your family you don't owe them an apology. For what?????
Glad to hear Roxy is doing well.
Keep her inside. I always did when I had cats.
The anxiety does suck. I have it too. It seems when I exercise and do yoga and meditate I feel better. I try to eat good and stay hydrated.
I know your very athletic and that's good. Exercise is good for you and your well being.
Hope you start to feel more calm.
Hugs to you and Roxy.xo
congrats on your newest step toward independence. may the journey continue. i love my independence so much that i foster it at all costs. i love being the boss without having to set rules. nothing says independence like a place of my own.
for what it's worth
fighting was one of my childhood core values. clean fight? once the fight begins, i already feel dirty. it is not wise to stand between me and my shower, whatever your intentions.
i don't believe my healing was able to progress until i gave up the fight. these days i handle fight metaphors like a recovering alcoholic handles a bottle of their preferred beverage. for my hyper disposition, the sooner i give up the fight, the better for all, and i ain't metaphoring around.