Kansas at it's worst!

I guess the good news is that the boys got to stay home from school and enjoy a snow day with Mom. But it is almost 4pm and it is only 7 degrees out and the windchill is -14 degrees. We've only had 3 inches of snow, but being in the rural areas, the drifts are huge!!! I'm so glad we got to stay in today.
I decided to move my office from the little bedroom into our sunroom at the back of the house. The boys helped me move the desk, chair, file cabinets and computer. It didn't take us very long, but I found myself just breaking down as we did it. Jeff use to come out of our room and come into my office to stand behind my chair and see what I was doing. I guess I felt that I had disrupted what memory I had of him doing that. And the tears just came in a rush. Of course it didn't take long for me to gather my composure and get back to work.
I wonder, and have asked only one of you, how long did you wait until you began changing things in your home? The day after Jeff died, I found myself removing his clothes from his large closet, moving them into the guest room closet and moving mine from the little bedroom closet to Jeff's. After I had done it, I wondered what someone would have thought if they had come in and seen me changing things so soon? But I knew that I had to change SOMETHING in our room. Things couldn't stay the same or I wouldn't be able to sleep in the bed with out him. So, I am just wondering how long it took you?
I am going to get back to work. I hope you are all keeping warm and safe today. And I hope that you are all having a good day.
Liz

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Bill and I had three weeks at the end. We knew what was coming. We talked about a lot of his musical/studio equipment and where he wanted what. In that aspect we were lucky. The boys were given their particular (coveted) and amps/mikes/stands and such. Other friends were given specific guitars and equipment...fairly soon after his death. He wanted to make sure they were still out there being used/making music.

The winter clothes and coats and such he wanted shared with the homeless shelter in Indianapolis.

There is still his favorite guitar in its case in our room with his Stetson on the top...he wants it taken to Texas during his scattering to be given to The Gathering...so part of him will still be in The Circle in October...and I am buying a new case for it so I can keep his old case for our notes, letters, mementos and the like.

Don\'t worry about what \"other people\" might think.

Do what you feel is right.

love,
Carla
deleted_user
deleted_user

Like you, almost right away. Being the husband, I had an added imperative- find out where things are stored! I used to just ask.
However I am not doing it in one fell swoop, but slowly room by room, and also getting some contractors in to do the improvements (bathrooms, carpet / flooring, yard) we talked about before she passed.
No, I think it is very healthy for you. It also does not dishonor Jeff, he would say \"Why don\'t you move your office to the sunroom so you can enjoy that wonderful Kansas winter?\" ;-)
I understand fully. It is terribly symbolic and emotionally cathartic plus need to be done. Think of all the changes you made while Jeff was alive. A house needs to keep evolving, keeping it exactly the same as when he died is setting up a rather gloomy museum, and you will never move on.

Hope this helps.

Kirk
deleted_user
deleted_user

I made some changes right away others took awhile. No right or wrong way just what we need to do to keep our sanity at the time. I am honored to be your friend but so sorry it had to be in this way! Hugs!!!
janalM
janalM

Liz, It was only a few days after Frank passed that I started cleaning things out. I had a friend with me, and she pushed for me to get his stuff togeather and donate it to a orginazation called 2nd chance. They give suits, etc to men who are starting over and don\'t have the clothes for an interview. They were glad to get them and I was glad that they would be put to a use I\'m sure Frank would have approved of. I asked the kids to come and get what they wanted, jackets, tee\'s, anything that would remind them of their Dad. Then we wnet through my clothes and refilled the closets. It took me longer to get back into our bed than anything. Just couldn\'t face it alone. I slept in my mothers room for a few weeks, till I got sick and said heck with this and returned to my familiar bed. As of today, that too is gone. I broke down and got a new bed. I still wear his flannel jackets and some of his tee\'s. I have started the remodel that he left undone, and it will be done differently than what he wanted, but I have to live here. All in all we have our memories, and things are just that things, so I am slowly getting rid of all the stuff we accumulated over 16 years togeather. I don\'t want to have my kids have to face all of it if I should die. Lord knows there will be enough left. I comment you for you decision and remember there is no right or wrong, just do what you need to for you and your peace of mind and heart. Hugs to you, and warm thoughts too. Jane
deleted_user
deleted_user

Such a great move for the office to be in a sun room! Hope it\'s a pick me up for you...I got chills up my back reading the temps there...brrr. Hope you stay warm and safe together. As for moving things etc...I started by cleaning out drawers getting rid of thing I could..just recently was able to move some things into a container and put in the attic....Think it\'s important to not give a crap what others think or judge you...until they\'ve walked in your shoes they have no right...and God help them if it comes back on them for judging how you are handling things as a widow..unfortunately this society is way too judgemental anyway. ..\'keep on swimming...keep on swimming..\'