Just when you think it's been too quiet...
Well of course just like last time, I make a journal entry about douchbag and then wham he contacts. Or tries to. Within a 30 minutes span today he called me 11 times, texted me twice and of those 11 calls he mixes them up with his cell number and the house number. As if I am going to reply to different one?? I don't know what his deal is. He didn't leave me a msg on voicemail this time around. From what I gathered from his sister he want's to salvage what ever friendship is there since we've known each other half our lives but honestly I don't see how when someone feels royally screwed over. His text msg asked me to call and then said I needed to call and made some joke about how "this is life or death lol" as if I was going to immediately get back with him. I was driving with a friend and her 7 year old so I didn't do anything much except fume. Was on highway the last time he called, pulled over and walked about 10 feet ahead and screamed as many nasty names I could think of him at the moment and cried a minute. Cleaned up and went back to car to drive on.
I didn't respond in any way or fashion to any of his attempts. Told my friend if he wanted to talk and the ONLY way I would was if I knew he was sincere, gave me an apology after what he did on the phone with me last time around and man up to his actions. Which I know he will NEVER do. He will never be able to look at himself, his actions and see what kind of repercussions it leaves behind. He will never understand the impact his words, actions or in actions have on me or all the kids. He will never get it and he will NEVER EVER find someone who loved or cared for him as much as I did. That is his curse. He may find others to be with, but none of which that will truly love him for him. He may find someone to sleep with but not a companion to stick around for long. No one else is going to deal with the BS I put up with for so long because I didn't care, I knew I could handle it. I still hope some flesh eating disease finds it's way to him and his loses his most prized possession first. I am fuming still. Mostly because of his actions but then in the back of my mind is the big WHY question. Why now? What's goiing on that he thinks he needs to reach out now? I will never know unless I talk to him but I would like to think it's because his summer fling told him he's a piece of crap, or that he's broke and needs me back. Or that maybe he's finally ready to admit he's gay and in love with his best friend. That's what I keep telling myself. It doesn't matter what the real reason is, even if it's wanting to salvage whatever friendship is there because really why would I want to be friends with someone like him?
Anywho, that's my rant. We weren't able to get all the massages and reiki done that I hoped for. Tomorrow I got a 12:30 appointment for the reiki and my friend the appointment for 2 for acupuncture massage. That's good enough for me. A friend in Missouri, her car broke down so I have to go back to OK this weekend because my dad is going to pick her and her truck up so he can work on it, she'll be hanging out with me next week. Looks like I have to loan my dad some money, still have to make it back to my grandpa's place for a few days and to KS if possible, not sure when the kids are coming back yet. Busy, busy. Still not sure what to do about the schooling. Was hoping something was going to come to me and say ME PICK ME!! Apparently it's not happening yet. Sorry for the rant. Hope all is well. Thanks for checking in on me and adding comments. I REALLY appreciate the enforcement I get from the site. It's needed especially at times like these.
I didn't respond in any way or fashion to any of his attempts. Told my friend if he wanted to talk and the ONLY way I would was if I knew he was sincere, gave me an apology after what he did on the phone with me last time around and man up to his actions. Which I know he will NEVER do. He will never be able to look at himself, his actions and see what kind of repercussions it leaves behind. He will never understand the impact his words, actions or in actions have on me or all the kids. He will never get it and he will NEVER EVER find someone who loved or cared for him as much as I did. That is his curse. He may find others to be with, but none of which that will truly love him for him. He may find someone to sleep with but not a companion to stick around for long. No one else is going to deal with the BS I put up with for so long because I didn't care, I knew I could handle it. I still hope some flesh eating disease finds it's way to him and his loses his most prized possession first. I am fuming still. Mostly because of his actions but then in the back of my mind is the big WHY question. Why now? What's goiing on that he thinks he needs to reach out now? I will never know unless I talk to him but I would like to think it's because his summer fling told him he's a piece of crap, or that he's broke and needs me back. Or that maybe he's finally ready to admit he's gay and in love with his best friend. That's what I keep telling myself. It doesn't matter what the real reason is, even if it's wanting to salvage whatever friendship is there because really why would I want to be friends with someone like him?
Anywho, that's my rant. We weren't able to get all the massages and reiki done that I hoped for. Tomorrow I got a 12:30 appointment for the reiki and my friend the appointment for 2 for acupuncture massage. That's good enough for me. A friend in Missouri, her car broke down so I have to go back to OK this weekend because my dad is going to pick her and her truck up so he can work on it, she'll be hanging out with me next week. Looks like I have to loan my dad some money, still have to make it back to my grandpa's place for a few days and to KS if possible, not sure when the kids are coming back yet. Busy, busy. Still not sure what to do about the schooling. Was hoping something was going to come to me and say ME PICK ME!! Apparently it's not happening yet. Sorry for the rant. Hope all is well. Thanks for checking in on me and adding comments. I REALLY appreciate the enforcement I get from the site. It's needed especially at times like these.
Replies
Good for you for not answering him. I say it\'s just another attempt at manipulation, or he needs something, support or something, for himself. Whenever my ex calls like that it\'s always something that he needs. Like, for me to stop charging interest on the money he owes me, LOL. Idiot.
It\'s a creative tack, that \"we\'ve been freinds half our lives...\" for me, it was 2/3. and when we see each other in court we don\'t even acknowledge the other\'s presence. Weird.
Man, girl you are puttin\' some miles on that car!!! Have fun, enjoy....
Big hugs...
Thanks Hockeymom!! Yes it\'s another manipulation deal, whatever he can to try to sneak his way back in. Trying to be tough and hold it together, have my moments tho. Where I wish things were different, I know they aren\'t. Yeah exactly, one day they will say let\'s be friends and ignore the next, lol. I thought about my kids since all the kids grew up together for 7-9 years but you know it\'s not worth my sanity to try to be friends with someone I love and know that it\'s never going to be the way I want it to. I feel bad in the aspect of the kids but at the same time it\'s probably best for them as well not being subjected to their crap as well. Lol yes I have put tons of miles on my car. I\'ve had it less than 2 years and over 40k miles on her between driving back and forth from OK to Mo, OK to Ks and Ok to TX and back again. It\'s a 2001 Mailbu and it\'s been really reliable. Good ride and great gas mileage, can\'t complain. Thanks again hockey for the support. I really do need it sometimes, even if I seem strong I have my moment\'s.
Malibu is a good car, I drive a 2005, with 115k on it, it\'s a great car!
That\'s cool. Yes I have over 141k miles on her this trip. She\'s been a really good car, got a good deal on her, she\'s got a rebuilt title so I was ify about her but she\'s been too good to complain.
You are SO right about the friendship thing. Mine tried to be friends too, but they are not capable of it. And I honestly have no interest in being friends with someone who can be so cruel to me, who could treat me so appallingly - that is NOT freindship. If he couldn\'t be my friend when we were married, he\'s lost ANY chance of attempting to be my friend after.
I don\'t know that it\'s so much about salvaging a friendship moreso than it is to just prove his control over you. I\'ve read so many things that show these kinds of men (people) cannot stand to be rejected and that\'s how they view our actions...as rejection of them. Again it\'s selfish on their part in my opinion. We\'ve instituted NC for us...to help us heal and move on with our lives. Yep, we made the decision to fall in love with men like this and they chose to trample our hearts. A \"true\" friend wouldn\'t do what they do. I\'m sorry but text-bombing and calling several times in one day is a red flag to me. My exN did that too. One day I received over 30 texts and at least the same number of phone calls each with him begging me to return his call. To a bystander looking in on those days, I\'m sure I was the \"mean\" person. However, what they didn\'t see was the numerous days he would completely ignore me, my texts, my phone calls...the countless plans he made with me when he supposedly \"felt bad\" only to later stand me up. I fell for it each and every time. It was such a vicious cycle. I still get random emails from him...he works where I work but I make every effort to avoid him like a disease. I view his emails now like a fisherman trolling to see if anything is biting...how do I know he isn\'t doing the same to other women. You have to ask yourself this about yours too. And you\'re so right...they don\'t change. They may tell you they will or that they have but they don\'t. Sometimes the best things we can do as THEIR friend is to walk away. The damage done can\'t be repaired. Good for you for standing your ground. You\'re getting so much stronger and what\'s more important is that you\'re showing HIM that you value YOU and your feelings more than him. You are worth SO much more!! :-)
Thanks Livndadrem and Imp for the responses. Yeah I don\'t understand the friendship thing either. He didn\'t listen to me and talk with me as a friend while I was there, why would he want to now? Exactly Imp. Just to squeeze in and insert himself in my life or my kids again and try to a new \"game\" is most likely the goal. Yeah he may say friendship but honestly he can\'t do it. He\'s got guy friends and people from school he says are friends but honestly they are not around him long enough to make a good decision on him being a friend. He doesn\'t and won\'t ever be able to look at himself and ask what has he done that could make me so upset or what he could change to try to be more sincere. He never replied to my emails either. I can type very nicely and am to word things better so I would send him lengthy emails about how I was feeling about something, if something was bothering me and that type of stuff but he would just get pissed at me on the phone or during the conversation instead of listening and trying to find solutions it was all my fault so emails seemed to be more of an outlet for me to communicate more effectively with him. He never responded. Not to one of them. Thanks for the encouragement guys. I really needed it first thing this morning. A new day with our sessions this afternoon reiki and massages so looking forward to it.