Just when I thought I was okay- Tony
Well I have been kicking it with Tony. I decided to come and stay at my house since my 2 job interviews were on this side of town. The more I stay around him the more I SEE MYSELF LOVING TOO MUCH AGAIN. I see that I have gotten in about 3 to 4 spitter spats today with Tony about himself and how I dont trust him with my life. We both exchanged and agree that what he does to me, I do to him. The difference between me and him is that I was inconsistent at age 17, 18, 19 you know the age where I have room to fuck up and find my way. He is inconsistent at age 26, 27, 28 the age where there should be a little more responsibility. Since Tony is caring for the other half of my life, I freak out because I dont trust him with his OWN life let alone you sharing half of my life with me. So I start controlling and managing him so he can control his life the way I would control my life. I keep wanting him to live up to my standards where I should feel impartial and let him find out his own way. But damn how long is it going to take you to find this path?? I clearly am loving too much and I feel more isolation from Tony would be in order. He is trying to find his own path too. My isolation from him is doing him good. I sometimes feel that my perception of him makes me lash out instead of support him. The way I feel right now is okay, kinda frustrated because I want to get better already. I dont want to feel this way anymore!! The good thing about this whole mess is I just had a self realization and I am able to detect my disease and stop it. Thats my determination and a goal that will be accomplished.