Just want to start feeling better
Since the death of my daughter I have been feeling at lost with myself. I feel like a piece of me went with her when she died. I can't seem to get get back the zest I once had for life. I just feel what's it all for anyway. It is just a chore to even do the things that I use to enjoy. I don't want to be medicated. When I first learned of her death I was taking xanax to get me through the hard time with the arranagements and all. Now I don't take anything. She has been dead for 2 years now and it seems like it happen just last week. Some days are better than others. I have joined supports groups in the past on the internet but seems like few people reply back to you, like they have their set of friends and they don't let you in on their circle so I got no support from them at all.
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I find most of the time I am actually talking to myself when I join groups, because for whatever reason I don\'t hardly get any feedback at all. I guess that is selfish thinking. I want everyone to drop what they are doing and take care of my needs. Amyway why should this group be any differnt than others? Being a newbie and trying to get into a group it is hard because sometime the group has just went on without you. I must have a anger issue with support groups I have just realized. I have always been a strong person and when I do need help and reach out which isn\'t often I guess I expect people to be there for me. Boy am I crazy or what????
Anyway let me talk about something different. My daughter Khristy. I was living in Ireland when I got a email from my daughter in law to call my son because they found Khristy dead in Florida. I had not seen my daughter in person for 5 years, I did talk to her on the phone and get emails from her when she was married to some guy in Florida. Because of the drugs she kept her life pretty secret so didn\'t really know what was going on in her life most of the time. Until it got bad then she reached out for help and I was always there to help in any way I could when I was available....The last letter I got from her was December 2005 at that time she was staying with my mom and trying to get into a drug treatment center. My uncle died at this time(which is my mom brother) and my mom took off to go to the funeral. While she was gone my daughter went back to Florida and was found dead the following March of 2006. I had to cremate her body in Florida in order to get it shipped to my brother house in Kentucky because didn\'t hae the money to fly her body
there and made all the arrangements by phone because I was still in Ireland at the time. We didn\'t hae her funeral until April 28th. That gave me enough time to get everything straighten out. If it hadn;t have been for my parnter and my brother I think I would have lost my mind. I do have two more children one daughter and one son both living in Kentucky. I had the added chore of trying to get my son to come to the funernal because he was so mad at his sister for the drugs. He had just lost a friend from drug the previous December(which by the way was Khristy ex boyfriend) so he was really tore up, and I wasn\'t in anyway in the frame of mind to try to comfort him plus try to take care of everything like I usually do....Well I will continue tomorrow on this, It really does help writing things down. I think What I will do it start from the beginning and mabe make some since of all this.
I just lost my daughter march 8th of this year. My heart goes out to you. {{{{Hugs}}}} Carolyn
my brother is battling a drug addiction and I fear for his life everyday, I am so sorry about your daughter, you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hallo,
I am so sorry for the loss of your girl Khristy. My son Richard died 9-28-06 at the age of 28 from od of cocain and heroin.I was not aware of his drug use and for some time I felt guilty cause I didn\'t know . I have since been able to move past that because I realize I can not be responsible for other people even if they are my children.
You expressed that you have not been welcomed into groups on the internet and you feel that you are not getting enough responses. I am sorry you feel you had that experience and what I have found for myself is that everything takes time and if I put in an effort eventually I get positive results. What I did was send people hugs and if I felt comfortable I asked to be their friend and then I would read their journal and write a response and before I knew it I had more friends then I could keep up with. As time goes on you will find that you get more comfortable with certain people and those are your friends in need . I have asked to be your friend and I hope we get to talk soon. Hugs, Inga