Just want to be loved

Things got a little better since the last blow out with my mother...but you know things cant be good for long...
low and behold... i was awake half an hour and shes at me again, im going to my bfs tonight to meet his dad, NONE of my family have a problem with her...but she does. she hates we sleep in the same bed, she hates the fact i have someone, a GUY, who loves me...
im so confused atm this is barely making sense, i know im going to go have a shower in a minute and just cut the shit out of my leg. and i know i'll get in trouble tonight when my bf sees but right now i need to calm and consequences dont matter.
why cant someone take pity on me and kill me?xxx