:Just venting - nothing too bad

I just realized today that I don't want to fall in love. It's crazy, but I'm desperately craving a relationship, and yet, I'm desperately avoiding every opportunity....I get annoyed when guys speak to me.......I feel very flattered, yes! And I crave more and more compliments.......but as much as I want them, I never truly believe them....and I get annoyed when guys try to talk to me. I'm happy when I think a guy likes me, especially a cute guy....but once he makes it known, I get annoyed. What is wrong with me? I want friends, but I had to fight to not push the friends I was making away. I'm scared of society. I wish some perfect knight in shining armor, racing in on a white horse would come and save me. I would love to be married to a great guy that is financially stable, and everything I dream a guy should be.....I want to be a housewife...and any "work" I do outside the house, I do as a hobby, and not out of necessity. I want a beautiful love........and I want a guy that can support me, so life wouldn't feel so complicated......I want him to let me be there for him, and I want to be able to trust him. And I would love 2 or 3 best friends.............but the more I live, the further away the dream seems...I'm so much stronger, but I'm so tired from fighting all the time. I'm so scared of everything, but my personality makes me keep pushing on and trying to be better....but I'm tired...and I feel lost.