just thoughts

I've been noticing lately about my propensity to live in the moment...as a way of

managing my time, responsibilities and anxiety... I have learned to cope and manage my reactions through my own mantra of self responsibility and the phrase “keep on keeping on”. Through the work with my doctors I have

achieved viability... I have found however I am very caught up in ‘the now’ and not much else. I take care of my daily work and home life and I’m there for Blue and for my parents, siblings and friends when they need me. I enjoy my walks in nature.  I don’t have a 'great' or 'macro' plan other than 'don’t spend beyond my means' and 'save as much as I can.' I’m nearly 55 now and the future is coming. So perhaps I will try to expand on my short term goals with expanding my list making. It’s nervous making because then I also have to deal with my own variability as well as the crap that comes along the way. It’s something we each have to deal with I guess. I’m going to latch onto the positive.:) What I am thinking to consider too is not just 'the keeping self responsible' and 'keeping life going' (and keep on keeping on) but "how" I want to be living.  I’m thinking I want to be living in a family like at the monastery. That type of family which I have experienced before I can and do enjoy. I’ve thought about partnering but don’t know if that's for me. These are just thoughts. I love my family - but I also know I should make my own foray as well.

Again just thoughts - trying to keep awake to life and not just shut down what's on my mind.