just thoughts

Good morning DS friends,
Can you believe half of this year is over.  I guess when you live it counting the days of chemotherapy it slips by.  I surely don't want to complain because I know that we are blessed. We are coming up on the 13th anniversary of  the beginning of Steve's cancer journey.  When I look back and remember how I crawled in the bed with him after the doctor told him he had kidney cancer.  Or how I cried when they took him away from me that  August morning.  I remember begging God for a little more time with him. Why did God answer my prayer and not those of others?  I truly beleive that we each have a desinated (mispelled) time to die. An appointed time the Bible says. So many many things I don't understand and never will.  Someone told me once that I could ask God when I get to heaven, but I expect that it won't matter then.
I have had so many of you on my mind. Dear Gloria, Karen. And of course Becca, Ingrid, and Meriel.   What pain they are going thru!  Will I be as strong?  You know I am not a healthy person myself so I may go before Steve.  My thoughts won't let me go there this morning.
On a lighter note, Steve and I will celebrate our 45th wedding anniversary on Saturday.  Of course we so young when we married.  18 and 19.  My goodness we were babies.  He really was and is my one and only love. Looking back over the years I never once thought about cheating on him.  I am a old fashioned girl I guess.  Hey I took those vows seriously. Sometimes I want to kick his ass, and I tell him I will do it when he is sleeping and he tells me I had better make the first lick count!!! First I tell you how much I love  him and then tell you I want to kick his ass, go figure? LOL (thats true love)
Sending my love and prayers,
Wanda 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Wanda,
When Buddy and I first learned he had cancer of the liver it was like having the wind kicked right out of us. Yes, he had been battling Hep C and Cirrhosis from the Hep C for many many years but the doctor\'s told us the likely hood of getting cancer were 5%. Oh boy we just won the lottery...we made that 5%...then he was put on the transplant list and we waited and waited for a liver...after ten months he was removed because the cancer was in too much of his liver....yet another kick in the gut....but I had another year and half with my sweet, loving Buddy even after he was removed from the list...he was a fighter and he wanted nothing more not to leave me ..all he cared about was other\'s and each time I would cry he would comfort me..can you imagine...I should have been comforting him..and we did ..we spent many a night in bed crying that we weren\'t going to live our dreams out as we had always planned...and now that he has been gone for 20 months life has gotten easier...and I am learning to live on my own...it is still very difficult...I don\'t think it ever goes away...just gets more bearable ...you have been a good friend to so many of us here on DS and we will always be there for you...Hugs and Love, Ellen
perplexed46
perplexed46

Happy 45th Anniversary to you & Steve! I was 18 & my hubby was 23 when we tied the knot, 46 yrs ago last Easter. I glad you guys are hanging in there & that Steve is doing well.

Love & prayers,
Lois
Torant
Torant

Hi Wanda,
Thanks for your journal today. It continues to be inspiring to me. In January, 2010, I never expected us to be where we are today, and yet, here we are. The first round Sutent under our belt and about to begin round two tomorrow. It isn\'t how we always dreamed it would be, but we are doing it together. I thank God for this time.... We have been married 44 years this coming October 20th. We had planned to have \"wheel chair races\" at the old folks home. I guess that could still happen. Love, Vernell
janalM
janalM

Congratulations on up coming anniversary. Cherish every day you have togeather. Don\'t worry about the want to kick him in the behind thing, I think its a female-male reaction. Hugs Jane
icezam19
icezam19

I completely understand how difficult it is to be caretaker. But hold his hand as much as you can........ and thank God that you have a warm hand in yours.
Happy Anniversary to you both
icezam19
icezam19

Oh gosh! I meant Caregiver.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Congratulations on your anniversary. I know the years since the diagnosis have not always been easy for either of you........but you have gotten the miracle and gift of time. From my vantage point you are two of the luckiest people on earth.
Hugs, Dianne
kkzimm
kkzimm

Congratulations Wanda on your anniversary! It\'s precious to have been married young and grown up together. And I appreciate the joking about wanting to kick his ass...with Bob and I there was always the \"I love you so much I can\'t live without you\" looks behind the teasing. Thank God for love.
Karen
LSMS
LSMS

Oh Dear Wanda, This journal brought tears to my eyes. 45 years is a lifetime together. You and Steve have had such a precious gift and I pray that you will grow very old together (to where you won\'t have energy to kiss his...). M and I had 35 years and I also know how blessed I was. I\'ve grown to accept the destiny of losing M when I did. I understand that even if I had only known him a year, that would have been the greatest blessing I could ever hope for and I would give thanks for it. I hope and pray that your health and Steve\'s health remain strong for a very long time to come. Love you, Linda
msgrace
msgrace

Hello Precious Wanda!

I, too, want to congratulate you and Steve on 45 years together. Ray and I will also celebrate our 45th this year. Where did all that time go?

My prayer is that y\'all will have many more years together, as well as many more anniversaries.

God bless you both always,
Ingrid
Angelpuss
Angelpuss

Wanda, congratulations to you and Steve on your 45th Anniversary. My wish is that you are able to spend many more years together.
Love
Angel xx
deleted_user
deleted_user

Hello Wanda,

sorry for not getting to wish you and Steve a very happy 45th wedding anniversary till now !! I read your journals backwards from your last one and getting to this one.. Wanda, you know none of us would ever take seriously anything you said about kicking Steve\'s behind.. I could tell you some real stories of the things i have said to Tim in the last 8 yrs for his stubbornness, none of them were ever serious !! Many more happy anniversaries in the future too hon, enjoy this very special day togeather..
Love,
Becca