just talk

shoooot, i've been slacking when it comes to journaling. crap :( just got my period today. I'm so overwhelmed with joy i cannot begin to express it. not. i was sitting in my morning class today, and *bam* cramping happens. they are very strong in the sense that they feel like they are trying to constrict me like a snake would do. starting to feel the oxy kick in thank god. i cannot try to do homework, be a wife, and not want to kill myself when I'm in pain. 
so much stuff seems to be going on for me. its quite overwhelming. my hubby says i need to keep talking to him about whatever is bothering me, no matter how silly it is. i need to remember this haha :) 
what is bothering me?
-hepatitis C
starting with school. i am getting semi close to the end of the semester. i am very very very happy about this. i am doing well in 3 of my classes. the 4th one not so much. but i am really really trying to work on it. there is no way in fuck that i want to loose my financial aid, or have to take that class over again. that bothers me a whole lot. school in general stresses me out. i know it shouldn't but i really want to excel in everything, and make my teachers happy for some stupid reason. 
it seemed like for a few weeks my endometriosis was under control pretty well. my last entry yeah i had a really bad day for some reason, but other than that its been pretty reasonable. now i have my period today, and the cramping, exhaustion, is setting in. the odd thing is that I'm barley bleeding. maybe it will get heavier? I'm not sure. sex bothered me the other day. it was all fine and dandy like usual, then it felt like my insides were constricting, trying to seal the "entrance". (i love my analogies for shit) it started burning too. ugh :( needless to say that wasn't a fun ending. i've been getting a lot of headaches and migraines, but maybe that has to do with a little bit of everything. i'm so ready for my appointment with the RE. i wish it was sooner. it still seems so incredibly far away to me. i pray that the doctor will be intelligent, and know how to help me. on another hand, i think I'm going to probably finish out my bottle of oxys (how i've managed to last this long i don't have a fucking clue) with this period. i'm going to have to go back to that doctor that wrote me the tramadol, and explain to her that they don't work for me. i really don't want to look like an addict to her, because i am certainly not. they just do *not* work for me. :( 
so when i was at the doctor back on the 21st they took blood from me to test for allergies and other issues. long fucking story short, she thinks i might have hepatitis C. just awesome right? this is bothering me to the MAX. they told me "oh its nothing to worry about right now". they told me to come back for two more blood tests. i've done the first round of coming back. i have to go back again on july 16. nothing like hey happy early birthday to you. i called yesterday and asked them more about it. one of the vials they tested said that i'm negative for hep. but at the same time some other vial and shit says that theres something abnormal pointing towards hepatitis C. so basically what they are telling me is they don't really know if i have hep or not, they think that i don't, but since there is something abnormal there is still the chance. thats why they need me to give more blood so they can keep testing me. this is freaking me the fuck out. i won't be able to know until after july 16th. they said to call a day or two after i go in that day for the last round of blood. if i don't have it, hooray. if i do have it, they are going to make an appointment for me to come back in and "talk". if i have hepatitis C it could have been destroying my liver for years for all i know. i might have to have a liver biopsy, or a new liver for all i fucking know. i have the symptoms of hepatitis C, but the symptoms are also totally like the ones for endo. all i can do is wait, and pray that i don't have it. i don't need another thing wrong with me, especially something that could potentially kill me. 
so yes, i'm a bit stressed. and now the oxy kicked in and I'm about to fall over cause shit is blurring. 
on a positive note, i went to church on sunday all by myself on my own free will. haha. it was wonderful and gave me some hope. i will be going back on sunday. it was wonderful. :D and my birthday is soon really soon. july 20th baby! ill be 21 FINALLY!